to the me that's no longer a child

Dear Felix, If your name is still even felix haha. you're an adult now. 18. an adult. if you get this email it means you made it. is your sht better? can you still believe you thought you wouldn't make it to 16? I'm 15 now. huh. how did your exams go? your igcses? your ibs? are you in America, or anywhere away from home? I hope you know what you're doing better than I am anyway. I still don't know how to study. Or stop being stressed. Or not procrastinate. do you still dance? do you still listen to kpop? I bet your ult isn't even ateez anymore 3 I have that Hongjoong pic on my phone case now. I wonder how much you'll change in 2 years. "One day, when you can’t pay attention to me as much as what you’re doing now, I hope you will feel that you were happy and that you were loved when you hear my name somewhere.” don't you dare delete my drafts, felix. I love them so, so fking much. We didn't delete their drafts because they loved it. Remember why we didn't. Now don't delete mine. I don't care if you love them a little or a lot less because I do so much and they mean sm to me. more seriously: did you ever go to therapy? I think I'm still scared of it. I don't know if scared is the correct word. I don't like it. did you get a screening for adhd? or anything else? I know you sure as hell didn't open up about the purging but. (I can fix it I'll fix it I'm trying to fix it) hm. this letter is all over the place. I don't even know what to say honestly. I have so many questions but I don't know what they are. : are you still aroace? are you still single? do you still love them? your friends? how are they? the discord? has anything changed? school? uni? life? family? we're going to be okay. I hope. we'll be okay. love, felix