A letter from Feb 01, 2024

Hi cutie!! It's currently February 1st, 2024. You're still getting birthday greets from people thinking that it's your birthday, but your birthday is really on January 31st. I'll be honest and say I low-key kind of like it: I was supposed to be a February baby anyway (according to my mom.) I woke up to my email today and saw a letter from past us from 2021. We were 22!!! So young. I say that like I've got one foot in the grave but I'm literally 25. She's still in the pandemic and feels so lost and directionless as she should. I've graduated and have a job now but I still feel a little lost and directionless sometimes. But not as directionless as I was then. I feel much more relaxed. Maybe it's because I'm not in a rigorous structured life anymore and I'm just kind of existing. Maybe existing isn't the right word - I'm starting to live. Yeah, my job may not be the fanciest (I still work in retail - surprise past me!) but I'm starting to find things outside of work to look forward to. I've moved back in with my parents because I can't afford to move out, but I don't really see a downside. I find that since I've moved out, my relationship with my parents have been so much better. I remember reading articles when I was just about to graduate about moving back home with your parents. They said that most people find tension because the power dynamics have obviously shifted. But I don't know...Like yeah, I'm still their child but they've given me space to enjoy my own life and do my own thing. I'm just super thankful for them. I love them a lot. And yeah, I work in retail now. But I don't really see anything wrong with that, either. I love my workplace and the people I work with. Sure, it might be a little stressful and hard at times, but if it's something I currently enjoy, why change it? Career-wise: do I have any plans? Possibly. I feel less lost. I have an idea of what I like and don't like so far through my job. I know I love events and interacting with people. I would looove to get into event management somehow. I have some experience but now I just need to take the leap but I am so scared. But that's how it usually is, right? High risk, high reward. But I feel super determined to do it - I just need to take the leap. Hey future me, did we make it yet? I remember reading the past letter we sent to ourselves and my heart broke. You regret majoring in music, but do you realize the impact it had on all the other things in your life? Moving out, being independent for the first time, even getting a job at the art gallery AND the place that you currently work at? The whole reason why I figured out event management was something I was potentially interested in was because I moved out and worked events at the art gallery! When I think about my degree, I don't think that I regret it anymore. In fact, I'm glad I did. It has given me so much outside of my degree and I feel like it wouldn't have shaped me into who I am today without it. I feel a lot more joy in my life now. I may not be surrounded by a lot of friends, but I am content in knowing that I'm just doing what I like and being myself. I try and make friends with people but it's hard. It takes a lot of effort to cultivate new friendships. Sometimes I get a little discouraged I struggled a lot with loneliness in the past but now I feel okay. And yes, I did see a therapist for a little bit to get through some of my growing pains. I remember crying almost every single day in May because of it. It doesn't feel this way but I feel like I've been healing a lot these past few months. Now, I am so happy. Genuinely. I can say that with my whole chest! lol. I'm kind of thinking about dating again. It's a scary thing to get into. But I feel like I'm ready? There's just something holding me back. I think it's just that I have to get used to being vulnerable again - and not in a theatric kind of way, if that makes sense. I feel like being vulnerable on an intimate level is always scary no matter how used to it you are. Maybe me writing this down in the letter is a way for keeping myself accountable, even if it's just to myself. We'll see how we are in two years time. If you don't have a partner, I hope you have some good tea to spill!!! I've got so many questions to ask you. I feel a sense of optimism for you. There are literally so many possibilities!!!!! Who knows what you're up to and where you've been? Since your last letter, I've travelled to Las Vegas, New York, San Francisco, and I'm heading back to Chicago and New York in April which is crazy!!!! Can't wait to see where you travel next. Do you travel to Korea again? Do you finally get to take your dad on a trip to Disneyland? I really want to make that happen. He went to Disneyworld last year and I feel like every time he goes to Disney, a little piece of his inner child heals. Are you still working at our current job? Did we finally make it into the event management industry? That would be too cool. Did we move out? Are we just cruising at home? I hope you get to move out one day. I know the US is scary but I would love to live there. I don't know where, but somewhere there. I've been trying to decorate my bed room and make it a cool space so I would love to be able to decorate my own apartment or place or whatever :') And yes, we still love Yoongi. He's on the back burner right now because BTS is in the military. I don't really have a strong bias right now but if I had to name someone, Soobin or Seungkwan are on my radar. Also an update, I've been getting into Ateez again recently. They're going on tour this year, did we get to watch them? Oh, did I tell you I picked up dance a few months ago? I thought I'd be really bad (and I was) but I've been dancing for 4 months now :D it's a little hard to coordinate my limbs, but I really enjoy it. My goal is eventually to get into a showcase and dance. I really want to make friends in dance too, but it's hard. Maybe one day. I think I'm gonna end it here. Did I miss anything? I don't think so. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do in two years time - I bet it's gonna be crazy!!!!!! Not to be sappy, but I'll be rooting for you always. Can't wait to hear all the tea. Love you :-)