A letter from Jan 16, 2024

Dear FuturePoo, You always give me that pick-me-up right when I need it. Yesterday I had ordered a Pina colada and the CAMBODIA INCIDENT (lmao) happened. Sigh, it was a total **** show and I've been seriously contemplating never talking to the fam again, just building a life of my own and about the future since you know, I'd very much rather live life my own way and make my own mistakes and learn or maybe even not learn from them, atleast they're my own and I won't regret it. It's exhausting being around my mother because I reject her from the bottom of my heart- there's something unacceptable about her to me. At the end of the day, yes she's my mom but also her not accepting me has caused me more pain than anything else that has happened to me in my entire life. It's painful, mentally, dealing with her. It's draining. And it's a very repetitive and toxic cycle. She said yesterday that she is so hurt because - she gave me more love than LomZ when growing up and she feels like she did something wrong which made me turn out this way. And also that I **** talk her a lot (which I hate myself for but is quite true, because I feel put down by her, I end up doing it a lot on purpose). She would honestly never accept me the way I am and truthfully I know that I can keep peace by just pretending that I'm not the person that I am. I can just hide the qualities which she finds undesirable, it would be the easiest thing to do, but I don't want to and I won't.. Anyhow, it was nice reading my mail, made me happy. I'm sending this to two years forward, I would've finished my contract with AMC by then and if things go according to plan, I will be working in NZ or studying. The love of my life situation is questionable but I hope I find someone who pulls and ties my heartstrings to him by then. Oh and my 4x4 pickup haha. That's a lotta expectations from my self in a measly two year time period but, I have hopes, and I hope to keep them. Stay alive, shake off the neggies and don't fear rejection, you are a capable fella.