A letter from Dec 24, 2023

Dear FutureMe, i hope you don’t take drugs anymore and i hope you won’t feel the urge to cut yourself or to swallow whatever pills you find to feel like you’re studying better. i hope youll find a way to study without taking more than your prescribed dose of meds and i hope youll have a nice boyfriend who will love you for your looks and personality. i hope youll have finally accepted your diagnoses and the fact that youre mentally ill. but i also hope our mental illness doesn’t bother you anymore. i hope you won’t get arrested or put back in the psychward. i hope youll be able to look into the mirror and think “im so pretty”. i hope mom and dad are gonna be proud of you and i want you to stop being obsessed with grades, because you know you’re very intelligent and you need to stop thinking that a few numbers dictate everything in your life. i hope you dont go to school while tripping or being drunk anymore, i hope you have nice friends who are willing to stay with you even if its difficult tolerating you. i hope agnes is still your best friend. i hope you stop smoking and sniffing whatever crushed pills you can get your hands on. i hope you have enough money to eat and buy christmas gifts for your friends without stealing. the day youll see this email, i hope you don’t regret turning 18, and mostly, i hope youll be alive to read this. no matter how youll be, please know that 15 years old you is still gonna be proud of you because she knows you tried. -ele