A letter from Dec 13, 2023

Dear FutureMe, hey dude, its meee, youuu!! ew that was weird anywho, im just here to give you some of my life updates just cause like why notttt. alrighty, lets get started, so i think like two or three weeks ago, me and leah started officially dating, wondering to see how far that goes. but i love them sm i swear to god. i wrote a little thank you note to her for a community thing in school, and that was really cute. i think that you should write one of those now, just super randomly, that is if we are still a thing n stuff. but i hope we are. anyways, as you know ive started making my genuine attempt at eating again, fixing that relationship w food and stuff, plus getting clean from sh. kinda. it kinda just struck me, in therapy, the other day, like, im sick of living like this and i hâte how its affecting my relationships with the people that i love, despite mom thinking that im better. (we love deceiving her). speaking abt her, go tell her you love her real quick, she needs to hear that (prolly). ooh this is a biggish thing, i really wanna come out to mom and dad and actually start living as a not girl, bc this **** sucks. but i do really love my hair rn, its like perfectly fluffy and borderline mullet. OMG DO WE EVER DYE OUR HAIR !! i just started the cello like two months ago, i wonder if we still play, and if we are still really into music. ooooh and writing. wait dude, you should totally text like bella (the short one) and emma (vèry *** retro person) from our creative writing class. i feel like that'd be a cute little gesture. idk, unless that's weird. uhh anywhoooooo, im gonna put in a couple pieces that ive written recently, just for funnies, i feel like that'd be fun to read in the future. anywho, enough about be now, how are you? genuinely. how, are, you? does **** get better? take a turn for the worse? i know you're prolly hella stressed about colleges and stuff right now. i wonder what we wanna actually be when we get older, as a career. right now, i was thinking about possibly something in the mental health field, like psychologist or therapist or smth, i dunno tbh. anyways, i just wanna say, im proud of you. im proud of you and how far you've come from where you were at, writing this letter. im proud of all of the things that you've accomplished even when the odds were stacked against you. and im proud of you for being a good person, even when you didn't need to be. im just proud. and im sure that you're gonna do great things, and that your going to go to be an amazing person, and an amazing friend. and if things are tough now, then, you just gotta keep a little faith, that things will get better soon. work on yourself. holy **** i feel like crying now. but that might just be me being sick. anywho, these are some of the writing things i said i would attach: as im sure you know, this one is about leah and when she had her first convulsive seizure. man, i hope she is better and the epilepsy is under control when you read this. **** is hard for her right now. Everyone’s eyes were on us. But my focus was on hers, her eyes rolling up, refusing to meet mine as electricity coursed through her veins, shaking her limp body. Each passing moment stretching into a bottomless abyss, as though all the time in the world had slipped through a crack. One location to the next, claws gripped around my heart, puncturing my flesh. But I was numb. Numb to all sensation. She was all that mattered. Under the hospital’s fluorescent lighting, I sat beside her bed and our eyes gazed into one another’s, silently vowing to never look away again. dude you should totally search for my creative writing notebook, that would be hilarious to reread. okay, i gotta go and focus on bio, this was v off task of me, but yeah. i hope you're doing good and stuff. bye <33