A letter from Dec 10, 2023

Dear FutureMe, I hope we are happier at the age of 18. I hope we become the machinists that we said we were going to be. I hope you're working as a machinist and stuck to it as it was our plan A from sophomore year. I hope we have become better people, that we have changed our attitude and stopped wanting to distance ourselves from others. I Hated having this attitude during my sophomore year but I only had it for my good and you know what the reason was. I hope we got nicer and like I said in the beginning I hope we got happier and were living our life out with our friends. Hopefully, because of my attitude, we didn't lose our best friends, I hope they stayed in our lives at least I hope Martin and Orley stayed in our lives. As I am sitting at the table in our kitchen while listening to "My Love Mine All Mine" by Mitski it's hard to not cry. I'm sitting here holding the urge to just cry while the song is playing. Our Sister Kenzie and Brother Randy were in the kitchen with us so it was difficult to stay strong while just wanting to cry. "Why was I feeling like this?" is what you might be asking maybe I don't know. I was feeling this way because of fear. "Fear of what?" Fear of that I might've lost our best friend at that point, fear of losing those who loved us platonically of course. I am hoping that they stick with us even after everything. I Hope we accomplished the goals we had during our sophomore year. The goals we had were to learn how to drive, Have a job and keep working as a machinist, learn how to cook and save up money enough to get us to move out, and be able to purchase needs. I'm praying that we were able to move out a week after graduating. I know we love our parents and siblings and stuff but things happened in the meantime. I want more privacy, more freedom, more alone time, more where I can just be myself and be able to sing my lungs out where nobody can judge me and tell me to shut up over and over. The last thing to say is that I hope our goals come true and if we aren't happy that we are making our goal I hope you think why because I wouldn't know right now at least. I hope that we have a new phone with service and that at least we're going to be able to move to Tennessee, well we know we won't be bothered but will still visit friends and family, and if we have sufficient money we could get our best friends gifts finally atleast. Once you're done reading this on your birthday which will be like 4 or 5 months before you graduate. When you read this you will remember the memories we made in our freshman year (just band) and sophomore year, and the last thing Hopefully we stayed in the marching band. - December 9th, 2023 at 11:39 P.M.