A letter from Nov 13, 2023

Dear Axel, Happy Birthday! You're an adult! Have fun with....taxes. I'm fifteen, give me a break. I would do the cliche, "Are things better now? Do we get the girl?" etc, etc, but...life's ******. I know that sounds pessimistic, (granted, 'cause it is,) and change has never been easy for us. But, some part of me hopes, prays, that by the time you read this, we'll stop just...removing the ball-chain from our ankle and putting on a new one and start...walking normally. Not easily. But normally. 'Cause normal doesn't mean easy. Agency is a choice. It's a choice you've gotta make every single day. But I hope it's a choice that we make. For the lack of choices I can make now. I don't know what I want. Which, I suppose, is normal for a fifteen year old. But it's that inability to *make* them that eats at me. That black hole eats away at my psyche every single day. You remember BoJack Horseman, right? That scene with Hollyhock? You know the one. I don't need to say more. Despite that, I keep feeding it. We carry with us, in our brain and in our heart, so much power. So much power to create and destroy and love and hate and I want you to never stop letting yourself *be*. Never. We've spent too much time shut in a box. Literally or metaphorically. *I* will never be free. But you can be. Find your freedom. Stop waiting for someone to blame. That person will never come. We've been with Dawn for a few months now. Perhaps that detail will age like milk. Maybe it won't. I hope not. She's a great girl. Even if you don't marry her, don't forget her, yeah? I don't have much more to say. But, even if you think of me as cringe, even if I'm wiped from your memory entirely,--2023 wasn't all bad. We made mistakes. We met some amazing people and got closer to even more. Remember the way you felt. From You, age 15