A letter from Nov 08, 2023

Dear FutureMe, It’s currently 3am and you’ve just finished another crying marathon - this time over your thoughts (your worse enemy ) . You and your spirt seems to really be fond of this 6ft Irish dude and it’s slowly breaking your *** . WHO TOLD HIM TO BRING ME ON A SUNSET WALK AND MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH HIS PERSONALITY FROM THE GET GO- it’s messing me up , let’s not even mention kissing this man makes me feel like we’ve made love - I’m stuck knowing if I’m overly attracted to him or if lust is just working overtime . Sometimes I feel like he likes me more than I like him (which I love ) , sometimes I feel like I’m just a young girl he’s just tryna smash and he secretly has a girl . He doesn’t know much about me just like all the boys I talk to so it’s hard to read what he actually thinks about me . Am I ugly ( which my brain keeps telling me ) I literally know I’m hot .. and I’ve been through his following and likes I can maybe count on 1 hand the decent looking candidates …I don’t know how to think in this case … he’s yet to take me out for a REAL date , does he not want to be seen with me (again I’m literally hot ) , can he physically not be seen with me because he might be in trouble ?? IS HE *** . Because at this point I don’t have a clue . I asked god to remove all my distractions and so he did so much so a guy I thought I really liked turnt out to be one .. I asked God to only bring anyone meant for me and his calling for me in my life … I randomly found myself telling this man how much I liked him and ended up seeing him the following day … GODS plan ?? I don’t know , I just know I REALLY like this one and dunno if he was sent by God or the devil , either way I hope I past the test . and give him some real cute babies close to the time I get this email . Anyways he said he’s taking me out for a an actual date after 5 years this week ( he cancels majority of the time and its traumatised me from making plans with men ) I told myself if he cancels this weekend it’s the sign I need to let whatever this is go for GOOD.