A letter from November 7th, 2023

Dear Human who's reading this, Let me tell you a story. One year ago I had a crush on this girl. We were bestfriends since first grade. She was kinda my *** awakening you know. So when we were in grade eight, I became jealous. We just had begun to make friends with our new classmates, but I saw everyone who talked to her as walking ****. "Why dare them speak to her?" I asked myself. And this kind of mindset went on for the next few weeks. Then we went on a school trip on a boat for a week. It was hell on earth for me. Because me and her still being bestfriends we ofcourse had a room together. It was a very tiny one but it was sweet. But Plot Twist, the only time we really saw us was in that room. And that's because she found some new friends she hanged out with all the time now. I was very frustrated, and it was probably my fault, but we diddnt talk like at all. We only spoke to each other when we needed to, and I diddnt know why! "Why was she ignoring me?!" I asked myself. In the end she was maybe feeling that something was going on with me and that she'd just have to wait for me to cool down. It's usually like that. But not this time, I was egotistical and selfish. On the last day I wrote a letter, crying sitting in our shower with the door locked. I tried to explain why i am so angry and asked furiously why she'd ignore me. It was a very emotional letter which was not right at all because I'm just a ****. But I diddnt knew better at that time. So we went back and she saw the letter laying on her suitcase. She texted me the next morning and tried to understand the situation. But I was not happy I was still feeling like she had abandoned me for others. So there we are. We were not talking for months now. And yes I did self reflect. I knew I did something wrong out of jealousy. So I tried speaking with her telling her hello asking about her day, doing small talk. But we never really went through with it. It really hurted and i was at my lowest time of life at that point. So idk how we did it but I managed to have a nice birthday party with her and things went better again. We were talking, not that much, but talking. So I was happy for the moment. Till another of out downfalls came. We diddnt talk again and it was hurtful. There was no reason for it, we were just looking at out phones the whole time and did not speak. I doubted that we were still friends of any kind. So the autumn holiday came and we did not see each other for 2 weeks. On the first day of school so I gathered all my courage and asked her about her vacation. It was a bit awkward at first but we really got into a good talk there! So I did it again the next day, and again, and again. And right now we are at this point that we send over hundreds of messages while we don't see each other and even video called today. This may seem normal for you, because me and her are bestfriends. But it's like heaven on earth for mw to finally have somebody who listens to you and wants to talk to you, somebody who you know since but never really seemed to know. And about that crush I told you, I turned into love. Very big Platonic love. Even tho I would say there is no difference between platonic and romantic love because in the end you just want to have that person by your side. You like every move of them and every single flaw. I don't have the need to kiss her anymore or stuff like that, I just want her to stay by my side till *****. R&S to infinity. Thanks for reading this. It really means alot to me. -Past me