A letter from Nov 04, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Sometimes things just work out like that. You get a reminder that it's been a year since you subscribed to futureme and realize you suddenly had a lot to say. Life is hard. Hikari isn't doing well, at 15 years old and no health problems you would think the cat would live forever, but suddenly she started dropping massive weight and she goes from slightly chunky and arthritic to nearly just skin and bones and it hurts your heart so badly. The vet says it's not serious, we can fix this, she still has a lot of life left. But still, I find myself crying regularly because I can't tell if she's alive for me or because she still wants to be living. I'm scared that I'll make the wrong choice, she shouldn't suffer because I don't want to say goodbye, but is it wrong of me to want her to go when she's healthier? Or at least not at the weight she is? I guess you don't really get to choose how you or your family goes, but she had been dieting for awhile now to help with the arthritis and she was always so food motivated that when it was time I always envisioned her getting to eat just about anything she would want, no one should have to die hungry and I was always worried she was afraid she wasn't going to get food one day so she ate whatever she could. Now, no matter what you offer her she barely touches it. She's still recovering from surgery, so maybe this is just the bad time before it gets better, I don't know. Anyway, one year ago you wanted to remind yourself that you did the best you could. I always told her she had to make it until I finished my PhD and she did just that, I hope I can return the favor to her. She's a good bad spoon. I know it's going to hurt when she does go, but I want her to be comfortable when it happens. Was it? Did we do the right thing? I could use a little guidance future me, please tell me I did the right things! A very scared past you.

Epilogue

5 days later

Dear PastMe,

I knew this was coming eventually, but it still hurt to read it and I knew I would cry when I saw the notification. It's only been a...

Utb sa i aefr ewtor het i vvdiily i eerrmbme mernott raey, iths swa adn glnieef tills. I in wihs nmomet uhg htis dlouc ewre rniigwt uyo i uyo eth so.
.
Oonsp eorlgn itwh teh us adb si, no sla,yd. Anrosbiw htta trbeet, eo'yur lluf of dan ttha the or yas ro i'st 'nwot i iel si orwdl kyoa. Tsi' is tuieq teh eo,suh oot nodura utiqe eth truth. Esh ould the 'shes tath lefild a lunti hwo sjut emho ow'tn ogne aws adn are,gl ronlyatpsie cuhm yuo ezlerai. .
.
A oaltsm ilwl ratfe aawy hes hmnot dba etorw ,adaeh uoy ssap aer sayd hits htree. 'udtocln eevn yuo htat ehngou and bolsspyi her teas eedf ouy when wlehi hse efde tinkh leos gtehi,w ehr seh odes nda esh. 'tis tasl roefeb one uoy olsw all dan yseadt e,rh 'its yda eongirospsr abd a orev ot btszeiail a'ntc. Tub nswe bad 'sti lal ont. Doo,g teehr gteofr hess' dyign rea os cllayuat godo uyo sdya !ysda. Oyu uoy nad nda gte nda si seh erehw fhtgsi nrloam sayd her weher seat to eslf ekli omer her yhpap cdddeul hes ept ayds. Ttah kbac loko idd will dyas eb nwok hetso lliw it tihgn you oyu on het tihgr dna ttha.
.
Heccna ays phayp aoyk i uyl'lo mrnalylo to the etg dan iths ,ttha nveer wonk im' i m'i ihwle n'cat htta reda hwti. I i iongd tngih gihrt uyo eth eyo'ur usesrear hswi lcodu htat. ,nda eref asessp ni o,inoipn lkyuicq ym apin ehs. To eth hes lliw not hitng konw liwl 'its reh g,tihn is wonk ihtw aet, ,pu hte uyo esh lyluo' isth nwhe ollyu' slta liwl dhlo hestntrg eralby ehva satl tno eht dnrki evah liwl and resefhl esh. .
.
Asupe eaksp cta it it ouy yuor satle hte ehr ro dan benso etll you eb ucldo elfe llwi 'oully lwli ahtt yuo at sh'se vyre lnoea itme otn adn shiw nda to evlo koya, ehr. Hsttegnr noe will she adn hsa ltas hes eveyr try tib seu e,hnt to meti last of eht bed no mpju. Nemotm arlezei tiwh ayd, ubt ouy esh emotmn ti's kame teh st'i atth ffo hse oto to ogboyed eht stkci nwo't ouy nokws ahtt it yas neev iwll etim ot sith dugn,or. .
.
Me rtwoe isht mi' yulrte agdl you ,letter. Itinsouat vaeh tuaob that is i nlyo to eth you retrge vhae i no ywa eht rueeasrs. Mroesmie twih uoy last reh ni mead a ftiimele htat pelaesy,icl fo othnm. Itmsccsceanur fro i egniv hte uoy sdaek emro 'ntdo nthki eu'ldocv. I nad nswe dah a iwsh i you, ofr ahd oot ttha hes esh gdoo wtan leevbie nkwe ettebr asw i tbu lfie to olv,de. Fleoyrsu drha eelpas 'dnto on eb. All udocl initylfeed ikoolgn yuo uyo akcb ,it no atht nda ermo idd.
.
Eumrteuf.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

Press ← and → on your keyboard to move between letters

Write new comment

Load more comments