A letter from Nov 04, 2023

Dear FutureMe, halo.. kali ini gua mau nulis aga panjangan deh. its been 11 month since kita dijauhin tmn sekelas, skrg seangkatan kayanya ci wkwkw. its hard to keep our life alive. gua sayang bgt sbnrnya sm diri gua sendiri ci cuma ya mau gimana lagi.. berantem sama temen yg gua kira bisa temenan sampe lulus.. gua sendiri skrg kemana mana, gua gbs minta tolong ke siapa siapa, gua belajar untuk mandiri tp in a hard ways.. gua mau mati stiap malem dan ngeluh tiap pagi knp gua masi idup knp gua masi dikasih kesempatan utk hari hari selanjutnya.. im useless and no one cares about me.. i have a bad mental health i have issues i have a lot of problems and i dont have someone to share my stories no one can understand how i feel and i can even understand myself. im tired of this ***** ci, im tired i dont want to be alive i dont want life. i only can feel happy di dosa dosa kaya parties drinks and smokes.. i dont want to do sin ci, i dont want to do sin just to feel alive. i cant do this ci gua gabisa gini terus.. gua capek. gua juga gamungkin bisa dapet cowo yg bs ttrus trusan dengerin keluhan gua, gua gabisa bergantung sm siapa siapa yg ada org itu jd cape jg dengerin gua. ive tried my best buat slalu ceria. bahkan kaya gini aja gua masi bisa ke skolah and put my mask on. dr dlu kt slalu dikira org paling ceria, cheerfull. tp skrg kn malah kaya gini?? gua masi org yg sama kok di mata org, masi kliatan ceria and goofy.. tp ya tetep aja, every night i cry myself to sleep asking for *****. im tired dijauhin, dicancel, dirundung, dibully, depressed, suicide attemps, selfharm, starved myself, anxiety disorders, and no one knows. lu ud bahagia blm skrg ci