A letter from Oct 11, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Oct 11, 2023 This day I right this notes. Idk what I really feel rn, it seems mix. I feel loneliness and emptiness, how weird. I've tried to change my current self, but the fact that I'm still a crybaby who easily get cried over things pero naa poy mga adlaw na di ko makahilak, gasakit lang akong heart, what I mean is gahuot. I really wanted to change myself pero gakalisod kog maintain sa akong routine, labaw na akong pag workout. The probs is naa pako sa poder sa akong parents, still gaasa pako sa ila pero gusto gyud ko nagtrabaho na, try a new things pero pobre kaayo walay money maka support. I don't have even a new clothes So I really decide I wanted to get change myself so I will have that confidence by being comfortable to myself without feeling worry about others thinks to myself, so then if I have that confidence I may have do a great job and earn money. Pero ang akong plan is murag Wala man nikuan sa akong expectation. Did I really expect to much so it's really hits me that to the point I'm disappointed to myself? Idk what to do anymore, everything is so trying, everything I do is failed. I don't have motivation, I don't have people who support me, who made me motive. I don't even like myself, so how could I continue when I have no one. My age is just the one growth but me is leaving behind. I'm still a kid who don't know where to go and don't know where to start. I'm still a kid who needs a person who purely willing to guide me, a someone who really understand and accept who I am, but why I feel I don't deserve someone like that. I have friends but I feel so alone. I've always tried to stay hidden. It is my fault that people don't really understand me? But even i tried to make them understand I always get misunderstood, even i don't speak they still misunderstood my actions. Myself is giving up on everything, so if ever I'm still alive in the pass few of Years or months. My question is.... Future me did we atleast made it?