A letter from Oct 10, 2023

Dear FutureMe, im munching on some fruit leather aziz sent me and listening to good music while avoiding all my responsibilies and honestly i love being delulu. ill continue pretending that grandma actuallythought of me and gave the snack to dad to specifically deliver it to me and it wadnt just intented for amir and he didnt like it so dad gave it to me, but i did notice a part was hazily ripped from it and i am almost definitly cetain amir just didnt like it but were deciding to be delulul and imma just be extra delulu ands pretend artie actually wanted to sit next to me and she didnt move next to me bc they asked her to bc she the only one who could tolerate me the best. and imma just pretend she was actually excited to sit next to me. im also pretending diana didnt move back bc im an awsome person and that she also found it trilling to sit next to me. imma just keep pretending they havnt been talking behind my back. imma pretend everyone likes me. im also pretending that im alright with the lack of friends i have. im totally fine honestly things were fine for a minute there before i started writing this and it accured to me that wait a minute these fruit rolls are extremely suspicious i got excited when i i first saw them. someone had finally thought of me! but then i realized what happening this has happend so many times before im so certain this is the case this time too. i hate when people pretend they thought of me. i would have preferred if dad had said amir doewsnt want these take them than grandma gave me these for you we both know she didnt bc if she had amit wouldve gotten his hands on them before me why would she send them specificaly for me why doesnt amir have any if you knew my brother and my family like i do which you do you would know abnd you do WHY i know this is exactly the case wait let me go investigate they denied everything and it sounded pretty believble we also had pizza sop yay buty thats besides the point let me elaborate a couple day ago i went to school one morning anf founf that artie had changed her seat and was siting next to me and my first reaction was basically a poppy hearing the word walk i was so hapopy and i felt very excited bc i thought she was trying to make up for before to undrestand this better you need to underestand that the week prior to this i started noticing the only people at school i considered my friends were kinda ignoring mw and it felt like they didnt want me arounf andhat i was a burden and an inconviniee so i started giving them some space and stopped bothering them eyeroll and well i was kinda upset but it was whatever and then they moved all four of them moved closer to where i sit in class and i was upset at them so when they formed a castle wall where everytime someone needed to get up we all had tyo get up and i kept jokingly saying stop making me getuppp and at this point i was still upsef with them so maybe that got through my tone but it could also be bc negar is kinda sensetive and i mean that lovingly but either way this week artie was sitting next to me and at forst i didnt think alot about it but today i noticed she didnt ask me to get up and she looked very puzzled like she was trying so hard not to ask me to get up almost as if someone had told her that i would get annoyed if she asked and heres the deal from my undrestanding of her charecter heres how things went negar was ******** about how i always complained about having to get up and she took it seriously and now she was complaining in that one voice she has and artie was trying to be the voice of reason and the devi;ls aedvocate and telling her how she shouldnt make a big deal out of it and the selfless person she is she offred to sit next to me so everyone can coexist without problem and thats why she even sits next to me now and not bc actually wanted to ... this sint even half of it there s question that i just tyhought of tho did they all move closer to me they wanted bc of me or isit bc apparently the other side of the class is colder or maybe they wanted to distance thmeselfves fromt the other clan in out class either way here i wa thinking artie was trying to be nicer and sit next to me so we could intract more oftewn bc she had noticed that i was upsef if not with her specifically and it is notale to note that the day before she moved next to me to solve a few chem questions and if that was bc she was using me as a vcovver for her phone orif hat was her way of trying to make things better between us i also seem to remeber sometimes last week she asked why i was so mad at her also you should probably know that i stopped texing her ourside of school bc she alwasy made it seem like she qwasnt intrwsted and said thing like gtg and idk i didnt like how i was always the first to text and shes never onced reached out to me and josef told me i should drop herand so i did bc i was tired of being ignored so anyway i migh just move away i hope they dont nbotice and i can just never talk to them ever again bc i deserve friends that make me feel appreciated and loved either way currently im feeling incompetent and useless and ignored invisinble like an inconvenience like noione wants me around but were moving on i went and took a new photo for school bc they asked us foir one and the one iu have three years old and from a time when i was so depressed i was basicallly dead inside so i lokk like a phycopath serial ****** in the photo but the new one doesnt look that good either so maybe i just look like shrek period? either way and im very behind on my studies so theres that also the updates are a little less frequent im trying a new schadule also i just like salads and it has nothiubg to do with me being on a diet i would never be on a diet anyuway and salads are just so good sincerly signed saba, spelling anf puntuation are for loosers!