A letter from October 1st, 2023

It was 2 days ago but it still clouds my mind. So I will share this with myself because for sure no one wants to hear this dramatic girl. 2 days ago we had a report and I'm really disappointed in myself. I pulled up an all-nighter just for that day, I came prepared but ended up messing up the presentation. I'm almost in college and I don't know what will happen to me if I'll always be like this. While my other classmates are confidently answering, there I am shrugging, trembling, nervous, can't even speak continuously, anxious, I'm a mess. I wanted to cry after that presentation but not in a place where everyone could see me. I got home tired and I just wanted to sleep but I can't the scenes from my presentation. I could have done better. I'm scared of those eyes watching me, I'm afraid of being judged. They're probably laughing behind my back. I don't know anymore. When will I be able to stand confidently I hope sooner. To my future self, how are you? I hope you're finally able to overcome that fear of yours. I'm sending this 3 years after I wrote this message, I'm assuming you're already a second-year civil engineering student. How was it? Did you finally make it outside the box of your fears??