A letter from Sep 27, 2023

Dear FutureMe, I'm so upset. Idk what to do. I have turned to a horrible person. I curse a lot. Every other second. I get angry. I get annoyed. Just branding it as stress won't excuse my behaviour. I know this and I feel terrible about it. What should I do. What must I do. I'm tired of our parents. I wish they were not my parents. I wish I was not alive. I hate this. I hate this sm. Whenever I cry before my birthday, I just realised I'm trying my best to stick to the right grammar it's hilarious. Lmao. Gotta love technology. I was crying too but now my mood is lighter. I'm weird lol. But whenever I cry, mummy says it's birthday blues. But today's not my birthday and I feel upset. I feel terrible. I wish she wasn't my mother. I hate my mother, I hate her sm but i feel compelled to appreciate her for all that she has done so far. I hate myself. When I try to bring up issues,talk to her about things she'll either ignore me or laugh it off. People don't take me seriously. Why won't they listen, why won't she listen. In pathetic. I wish she wasn't my mother. She's too malicious. I realised something while praying today. She is exactly the kind of person who'd go and unloved by God if God indeed is real. I hate this. I hate thinking like this. What do I do. It makes me mad that I'm only 25 and I have to spend the rest of my life with all my past memories. I wish I'd pass away. Or just forget. I wish I could forget these people. So when I start my relation, I can start afresh. I hate her sm. The issue is, I can excuse my father. He's an ***. He's obviously an ***. My mother. She pretends to be nice. I'm so tired. I've been praying every night. I've started praying again and God. If you are real, I just wish to forget these people.and everything related to them. I'm just so tired. She won't communicate. I wrote a letter in 2016, burnt it. Because I felt terrible. But, i was as hateful,and disliked her as much as I do now. God. Pls save me. I'm so tired