A letter from Sep 27, 2023

Dear me, I'm writing this letter with tears in my eyes. I don't know who to reach for and how to ask for help. Cuz i think no one gonna understand how i feel and why i'm feeling this way. And i'm also bad at explaining everything. You know what? I've been trying hard to heal the part of me that is bleeding and funny how some days those cuts feels like nothing to the point that i thought i'm healed. But you know what? There'll be days when i'm thinking to just end all of this. Actually, I don't hate people. They just freak me out. Yes, they freak me out without even doing anything. I feel sorry for them and I feels like I always annoy anyone I meet. I did try. I mean I did try to just hit them up and being nice and friendly but at the end of the day it drain my energy so much. I dont know how to act and i feels like a burden. I wish i can just shut off all the voices in my head. It brings me so much pain, u know? Maybe it's normal to feel this way. Or maybe it is not. I wish people could be more gentle on me and look me straight in the eyes and realize how much i'm hurting. I wish people could see the pain in me cuz i'm bad at speaking up and I can't even reach to anyone. i mean, i dont know how to ask for help. I have no one to share this so i'm writing this letter to you. You are me and ofc you know my struggle. You are the only person i have and you know you're the only person i can trust. Dear me in the future, this little halda is falling apart here. But don't worry. She will come back stronger.