A letter from Sep 26, 2023

Dear FutureMe, often i am upset that i cannot fall in love but ig this avoids the stress of falling out of it are you tired of me yet (are you?) im a little sick rn but i swear when im ready i will fly us out of here ill cut my hair to make you stare ill hide my chest and ill figure out a way to get us out of here turn off ur porcelain face i cant really think rn in this place there too many colors enough to drive all of us insane are you dead? sometimes i think im dead cuz i can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head but i don't wanna fall asleep just yet good day my good sir how are you faring? its been a while since i wrote i dont remeber what i discussed the last instance so i will recap two weeks ago we had the summers final big exam to prepare for it i planned to recap and revise all the material studied during summer but physics gave us so much homework the sheer amount of it overwhelmed me to the point that i spent the week paralized by stress even thinking about it makes my defence system automatically shut my brain down bc if i disosiate i can get hurt right? well at some point i dewcided to completely give up this include giving up on the fight to not go on the vacation with my family i simply admitted defeat i also gave up on my plans to study the following wek after that to truly wrap every thing up i spent that week playing minecraft and watching decked out videos i dont regret a second of it tho the slight headache i get ehen thinkiong of all the work i need to get done in the next seven months makes me think maybe i will regret it specially after my physics teacher asked for the homework to be handed in and i havnt done it i ended up going on the vacation with my family i quite love how every time i go on vacation i learn so much about myself i come to so many life altering relization its insane not really im exaguration but it is true that you grow better outsdide of ur comfort zone i should do it more often throw the backpoack over the fence and put myself in situations i dont know how to get out of and all that the hotel was nice it was so nice i fell in love with it i think its now my favorite hotel ive been to and maybe 25 hours hotels are now my favortie brach of hotels we were there for six days and someting was off the entire time the city was beautyful the hotel was great yet something felt off the entire time we were there it felt like it flew by like we did nothing like the time spent there was a waste and the money was better off flushed down a toilet which is ridiculous bc i was staying at a luxiourous hotel at one of the worlds most luxirious cities whch ig this is what people mean when they say you can not buy happiness i a hundred percent agree with that statment although i beleive that im putting some unneccerary prewssure onto this cb not very vacation has to be the best of ur life simply relaxing for a week is a lot on its own and just bc we didnt really do much and spent most of the time in the hotel i dont want to say that i regret it or that it was a waste we went shopping most of the time but we did visit a wate park and the hotels roof pool garden i bought clothes though im not satisfied with my shopping i think i needed a lot more and i probably wonf find the time to go shopping anytime soon im not satisfied with the water park either i think it was not a lot of fun for too much money over all the expirience was mediocre and thats ok theres also the fact that i bellieve that it has something to do with astology how we didnt have as much fun as we couldve or maybe my parewnts specifically my dad is getting too old toplan a vacation like he used to or maybe travellingis just more fun when ur a kid maybe all of the above i still had fun do the bed was amazing it was so comfy the pillows couldve been better tho i did end up missing three school days and i asked diana today if she could send me the notes i also apparently have my classes top physics score so yay for that best wishes, little saba. im not editing that pretend i fixed the spelling and put punctuation all over