A letter from Sep 24, 2023

Dear FutureMe, You recently found out you're autistic. It's been great and ******* awful. Unmasking means losing the person I trained to be in favor of accepting the person I am. This means I can't do things like I used to (force myself to keep up relationships and do things) but I'm overall glad that I know what's "wrong" with me. I am just wired different. I don't talk to mom or dad really, haven't heard from Laney since Christmas and barely talk with Ashley over snap. I love my family but i know i have to keep my mess away from them and my parents are kinda over me and my problems. I haven't told them im autistic and lost my job, its been a ywar since the diagnosis and almost 3 weeks since i lost my job. Im really struggling with burnout and regulating rn, my partner Will is not super supportive when it comes to the autism stuff. He seems annoyed and I'm always told to work on it or he has reactions to me and then needs his own care which i cannot give bc im having autistic issues. He can't seem to understand what is going on for me and juat reiterates that he has his own **** and mune on top is too much. I want to break up, I dont feel like my needs are being met and the fact he has done 0 independent research or even asked me about autism just shows hes not good for me. He honestly needs to take care of himself and not have my stress. He hasn't had the help like i have in a way. His family throws money at him butbhe doesn't actually get support or have the tools to navigate life like me. I was thrown into the flame at 10 and he is just now feeling the heat under his feet. It stresses me out, I feel like I'm so far ahead of him in ways. And I don't know how much I can "fix" about myself. I feel like there are things I can work on, well actually I know there are but I think I need to reassess the people I allow into my life. Especially so close to where I am feeling the affects negatively. I am really sensitive and I don't care anymore. I will allow myself to feel and then respond later afyervmy emotions run their course. I need to put myself first for once. All my life I've taken care of other people and their issues with little space for my own. I hope you are happier and in a better spot. Right now you are gonna try to do dogwalking and doordash to get by. You're so scared and alone but also numb and tired. I love you and I'm proud of you for all you have done and endured. I'm looking to you and I'm smiling because you're here.