A letter from Sep 23, 2023

Dear Teaghan, I just read our letter from Sept. 23 2021. Wow, how things have changed. We were in grade 12 back then, thinking about applying to psychology (year 1 us knows that after PSYA01 with Joorden's, that's a no-go...). Today, you're in BV writing calc I (mata30 with Cavers) flashcards trying to catch up, you're feeling a fair bit anxious that the statistics major is a good idea. You're struggling with your confidence in mathematics despite knowing you have a love of numbers. By the time I read this, I'll be in my fourth year. We're almost done our degree!! I hope you know how proud I am of you, how proud I am of you for not giving up even when things with mom get really overwhelming and it's scary leaving her alone to pursue your education and to be the first person in the family with a post-secondary education. You are paving the road for our future kids, for us. For yourself. You should feel pride, great mighty pride in that fact. I feel emotional writing this out. 2 years ago, our goal was to hit one year clean. This September, 2 years following that goal, you're starting your first in-field job related to your degree with Health Canada as a junior policy analyst. You're making a difference. My hourly salary is $18.17, and by January 2024 I'll be making $19.50. When we started working in grade 10, we were making student minimum wage at $13.40 an hour. We've come so far. Last year, we managed a 3.70CGPA, with our winter semester as a 4.0. Capable, much?! My biggest goal for the next two years of university, for our personal growth, is to gain confidence in myself. We have doubted ourselves so much along our path, and yet we have given ourselves so many opportunities to be proven wrong by our doubt. I was worried I'd never get into UofT, or any uni for that matter, and only 8 months in we scored a 4.0 at Canada's no.1 university! that gave me shivers. Today, you're almost 8 months into a relationship with William Miller. He's a wonderful person, he encourages you to have the confidence you should have, and he's the most supportive person you have in your life (except for maybe Auntie, but she's family). He's not only the most handsome man you've ever had the great joy of knowing and sharing so many laughs, but he's also the kindest. He is always there for you, no matter how hard long distance got in summer 2023 when we were living in Ottawa with Mom. So many rough nights, and he was always there. He's so passionate about his work, and he's successful. He's a wonderful son and brother to his siblings (who you adore, btw). For the first time in your life Teaghan, you actually feel in love with someone. And it's healthy, and so, so wonderful. Current Teaghan is really crossing her fingers and praying that you and Will are happy and together (stronger than ever). He's a keeper, I'm telling you that now, this early on. Auntie is sober. She's been doing good setting boundaries with mom and finding happiness. This is a weird time for you with lots of mixed emotions because Nana isn't talking to either of them and it's hurtful to everyone. Our family is kind of falling apart, and you act at that final link between everyone. Mom is starting her program this week. It's a 6 month intensive program to help her live with her diagnosis. She has borderline personality disorder. Your expectations are somewhat low, and you're terrified of losing mom. I'm so scared I'll never see her again, or see her happy. I'm scared she's never going to ever improve. When you think of mom, your throat gets painful and tight, and your stomach feels like a big hole. You clench up, and all you want to do is break down crying. Speaking of, we don't get our emotions out enough. We bottle everything up. We should stop doing that. Goal #2: Get our emotions out more. My favorite thing about living in Scarborough right now is how close we are to the city, yet how cozy this place feels. There's a sense of community in everyone's face. Everyone here is so kind. I love the diversity. Your favorite thing about university is how passionate you feel seeing UofT's banners on their light posts for Defy Gravity. Your favorite one is "The impossible is a challenge." They give you shivers walking past them every time, even in hot summer. Anyways, I hope that by the day you read this, you've had an exciting career, that mom is okay and you two are doing okay (if she's gone, I'm sorry. I hope you are taking care of yourself and staying close to Auntie. It's never been your fault and you need to know that), that you and William are safe, happy, and growing together one step at a time. I hope that you feel happy, and that gut feeling when you go up to a professor doesn't leave you all shaky. I hope you accept that you're brilliant and that you deserve the world. I hope you have exciting goals you're working towards and that you're pursuing a Master's degree. I hope that you feel loved, happy, and that you finally know a place to call home, and to feel at home there. I know, for right now, home is William. I hope you have new loving friends that support you and love you for who you are. I love you very much, and I'm proud of how far you've taken shy and timid, scared and emotionally imbalanced me. You're leading the way, future me. Keep it up. Love, Teaghan (19 years, 9 months).