A letter from Sep 10, 2023

Dear FutureMe, By now you’re hopefully entering your last year of college and if not then you’re closer than ever. Even if you aren’t in college, you should be out of Ithaca College. A strange thought to be quite honest. Here is where you started talking with Nick, tried weed, and even gave your virginity away. I’m in 351-05 Circles apartment and somehow it feels like I have already left. Dad’s drinking has been getting worse and I am not sure if we’ll make it through it all. Whether I’ll have to start funding my education or if I will simply waste away. Even if I don’t complete my education, I sincerely hope that I’m still with Nicholas Jonathan Wood. That sounds so silly to write. I don’t know if I love him or not, but strangely I’m already planning a life with him. How would I know how this’ll go though. Maybe he’ll shatter my heart or maybe even worse, he’ll stay. Somehow the concept of him knowing me and staying makes me want to rot. After all, I still can’t stand myself to that level. I can surely manage myself but it is an odd thought to have. Endearing but terrifying in its own manner. Alas, I am not sure of the plans you have for your life or where you are. Maybe I’ll know soon enough. I am not eager to start my research and I am even less so of completing it. However, time doesn’t stop for anyone and will continue even when you aren’t looking. I hope you are taking care of yourself and the relationships you have. I hope you have had conversations with mom over café con leche where you realize you are reflections of each other at some point in time. You are her daughter of course. I wish that she has visited or is planning on visiting Disney and meets Goofy. I wanted that for her but I am not a good planner. Sometimes it makes me feel like I am not a good daughter. However, I am trying and I must remember that. We are all living and do not know anything about how to live our lives. Be graceful and kind for we do not all have the same luck. I hit my two year anniversary of not harming myself. I have been wanting to however. I really have. Two years is a lot though. So, I must cherish this moment even for a second since hopefully it won’t come again. Keep trying my love, it’s been a long road but I know you’ll keep going. Kelsey