A letter from Sep 02, 2023

Dear FutureMe, how's everything going? you've been receiving letters from me for a while now, i've kept you updated on most of what's going on in my life, of our stressful life before the big exam. i wonder if you look forward to my letters. or if haven't even read any of them at all. maybe they're just piling in your inbox and you look at them every night with dread, overwhelmed my how many there are and how boring they are! well, i'm sorry for the inflicted boredom. it is what it is. i've cut my bangs a little bit and they sit weird. i just spent five hours dreaming about RT and when i write her name like that it makes me feel very silly, for it sound like i've been pining for a robot relative of R2D2. two months have already gone by and i don't feel very confident about anything that i've studied so far. i'm starting to think that you can't really put ur mind to something if you don't have a mind, or if you have a very weak one. my uncle, though we don't agree very often, gave me some brilliant advice some time ago. i was arguing that it is ridiculous that a decision i make now will affect the rest of my life indefinitely. it isn't fair to a forty year old me if a seventeen year old gets to dictate her life and how exactly do people expect me to make the right decisions under so much pressure during a time in my life where i'm so hormonal anyway. now i'm totally right about this and my decisions now cannot possibly be damning myself in thirty years. yuval once explained how most adults don't even work with what they studied in collage and 9 times out of ten what you choose to study will not whatsoever affect your future career. in a healthy system of education, this stands true and people are allowed to change. another angle i look at this from is that i don't *want* to do the same thing for the rest of my life. i don't want a linear life, one where what i do now, ill have to do forever. i want to have options, explore those options, explore the world, life, myself, etc. it terrifies me that they seem to actually believe whatever i do now will alter the course of my life for forever. it gives me chills, upsets my stomach and i hate it. however, my uncle introduced me to a particular way of thinking that blew my mind. i don't necessarily think he even knew what groundbreaking idea he was introducing me to, or even understand why this is so fascinating to me, yet he managed to, although accidentally (i refuse to give him a credit ), change my mind entirely. where as in previously i thought of this entire year as torture and a waste of time, now i see it as a challenge, an opportunity. he told me something in the lines of: you say you want to take risks, let this be the first. you think its a waste of time, risk that time, for just one year risk our advice. and i took it to mean something in the lines of; why cant this be one of the many adventures i have in life. this doesn't necessarily have to be the start of a very stagnant and stale life, it can be the start of a roller-coaster. the first out of the many challenges we face in life. i think this just makes everything so much more bearable. it'll be a story to tell, and i like it better that way. so we have finally finalized this decision. i've finally decided that i will let academics consume my life for while there. i will put my mind to it, give it my entire focus. and when i get result, then no one can tell me what to do ever again. (it helps me sleep at night to think otherwise but we both know they'll never stop nagging) although as a precaution we will take an oath, you and me both; i, saba sadat hosseini, (this letter is no longer anonymous is it, oops) hereby vow to never take the easy path. i will promise to take risks and explore life outside of my comfort zone. i wont succumb to temptations of an easy but dull life and blah blah blah you get the gist. i drew FT (that's how she writes her name. dont come for me!) last week, then diana insisted i draw her too. i'm not even done with the drawing, and she's already paid me in cash. i swear on my life i was only joking when i asked for money! idk why this makes me feel so guilty, why don't i think my art has any value? why does it disturb me that someone insisted it does? i feel terrible that i accepted it and spent the money that very same day. i feel like i could easily connect this to capitalism. lifes tough, happy september to me and you'll hear from me again, saba, your friendly neighborhood cat person, with so much love peace out.