A letter from Sep 02, 2023

Dear FutureMe, did i ever send you this one? i just wrote an entire thing here, mom turned the wifi off and i lost all of it. so i'm very aggressively typing a second one. god i might break my keyboard. bro i spent two hours on it and its just gone like that. my time is so ******* precious, i cant afford to lose two entire ******* hours. josef and i agreed on gaming on fridays. he was very upset that we couldn't play as often. it was very sweet and i love him. i have made progress. its very slow progress. i'm afraid that i have set my goal too high and that maybe they are slightly unachievable. there are people out here who are doing so much more than me and idk how im supposed to be better than them. i'm not superhuman. i am very delusional tho bc despite all that i still expect to do well on this fridays exam even tho people in my class have been studying all day and here i am. ive barely solved five problems. i'm trying my best and that's what matters. even if my best will indefinitely not be enough, realistically. you have to aim for the moon to land in the ocean is what i've been telling myself. ik it makes no sense its supposed to mean something in the lines of "hope for the best, prepare for the worst". and then i wrote this brilliantly composed paragraph that went something like: nail polish, makeup, jewelry (piercings specifically), accessories and etc, are (wither i like it or not) traditionally feminine forms (in white western modern society) of expressions and regulations on these irrelevant details in academic environments is inherently restrictioning women and feminine presenting individuals right to expression. this promotes the rhetoric that femininity and womanhood do not belong in academia. that you can not be a woman and a scientist. that you can not paint ur nails AND do math. this shows that even if a minority of women have the privilege to be educated today, the harmful, backwards and outdated beliefs against women's education is still very prominent in society and affects our day to day lives. this is without considering the relationship between professionalism and racism (they're twins btw) i don't remember what else i wrote and i have to go back to the Pythagoras theorem now so angrily, yet with love little you (not even by that much) saba, <3