A letter from August 31st, 2023

Dear FutureMe, I just wrote one of these but I’m still awake so I’ll write another. And, as all I can ever think about is her, I will talk about her. Whenever I do anything, I think about her. I try on new jeans and wonder if she will think that theyre cool. I imagine having conversations with her, cuddling with her. When I look back I try to look back in a way that will convince myself that nothing will happen, because she is over a year older than me, nothing will happen. But the more I think about it, the more I manage to twist it in my head into “she liked me all along” “what about the hugs, the conversations where she came up to me and asked me how I was, the jokes” in writing it doesn’t seem like much but let me tell you, the feeling around this were electric. Yet those feelings happened in December? What is wrong with me? Yet I still manage to convince myself that she is now indenial. That must be why she didn’t request to follow me on instagram (despite telling me in January that she wanted to follow me on instagram to see my posts), why she blanked me on the taster day. I’m silly. I’m also lonely. It’s almost 4am and I am lying here awake waiting to go to sleep. And my days now are just waiting to go back to school. I miss everything, and I miss the hope that I may walk past her in the corridor.