A letter from August 28th, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Today was a good day. I took my nanny kids to Capital Lake this morning and we saw 4 ducks sitting on a giant log. They were so cute and they started following eachother walking up and down the log. The kids and I started singing 5 Little Ducks and tried remixing 5 Little Frogs. After nap I took them to the arcade. That was way more fun than I thought it would be! (Legit starting to tear up thinking about it since this is my last week with them) I helped one of them press the pedal for Mario Kart and helped her with Ski Ball. She was able to get the ball over the bump 2 times on her own!! Part of the fun was even when the kids were losing at the pixel games, like Pacman, I cheered them on and told them they won. The pure joy on their faces! When they didn't win the claw machine though, I took them to Captain Little and bought them both a toy. They really deserve it 💖 This being my last week as their Nanny is scary though. It marks a new chapter of my life that I'll have to step into next week. I don't have a job lined up yet but I'm hoping to get a job at the Dep. of Revenue in Tacoma. My lease ends in February, so wherever I get the job, that's where I'll be moving. I'm really hoping to move into a place by myself and my cats. The roommate life is NOT for me. Everything is so expensive, though. Rent, pet deposits and pet rent, electricity, wifi, insurance just went up, car payments, etc etc etc. Being those kids' nannies gives me so much joy that I don't get at home, being shut in my room or motionless on the couch. I don't want kids, I can't afford it, and this world is hell. But I'm worried about what my mental health will be like once this week is over. I need to find ways to get myself outdoors and LIVING. I feel like a zombie who works to survive but survives just to work. I'm scared I won't be able to find any enjoyment with the next chapter of my life. Does it get better?