A letter from Aug 22, 2023

Dear FutureMe, It’s august 22,2023, time has flown by. I’m going to be a sophomore. I’m scared to be grown. I don’t want to grow up, I never got to be a child. I want to be happy in this life but that isn’t in the cards for me, at least for now. I never thought I’d make it here, so now that I’m here I don’t know what to do, I’m guessing with everything I do. Pretty soon I’m going to be able to drive, maybe drive off a cliff. No. I don’t want to die, it scares me. I think life scares me in general, I don’t know which one I’d rather do, live or die. Dying would probably be the best bet because maybe then people would think about me, but then I wouldn’t even know they would because I would be dead. Living has just given me awful experiences. I hope in 3 years it will be better, but I know better than to get my hopes up. On the bright side, we’ve come out. Everyone basically knows I like girls. I never thought that would happen, to me it’s something I would get made fun of when someone found out but no one really cares anymore. You are actually talking to a girl, she’s not crazy like the previous ones. Of course you over think it but that’s bound to happen right? She lives 14 hours away. When I met her it was the best feeling, she makes me so happy. Know that I’m thinking about it, I’ll be graduated by the time I read this, I’ll probably forget all about it until I read it again on this date. I’ve gotten stronger, realizing what happened to me wasn’t what I deserved. No child deserves that. She will grow too, inside of me. I’m going to let her be healed. First I just have to heal me.