A letter from July 14th, 2023

Dear HENZY, Life's been pretty heavy and draining lately. I'm in that situation again. Begging for mercy and to let me rest. I can feel the weight on my shoulders and I wish it would come off. And I'm wondering if you still use henzy as your nickname even though it is longer than your real name. Do you still listen to Taylor's music because you can relate to some of her pieces? Are you genuinely happy? Are you now out to your family? What about love? Are you still friends with kaejo and your squad? I wonder if I'm still finding happiness when you receive this letter. Do you know I'm crying while making this letter? I don't know what words I should pick. As a 17-year-old who can't express herself. I hope you're wise and smart enough to do your academics. I'm so tired. I can't imagine how ****** up my situation right now compared to before. I know I have friends but I still feel alone. I don't want to rely on them even though they keep saying they're with me. Of course, they have their obstacles and I don't want to add their plates. I don't know if you're alive or what's your situation right now but I hope you're still holding on to the things that keep you alive. I'm still trying and will try. If I did not, you wouldn't be able to read this. I'm still disappointed that Mama seems to not expect to have a third child, he's 1 month old. I'm going to college and I know how financially unstable we are. I can't even buy an electric fan for myself because the money is spent on milk and baby needs. We're older so we need to let them because that's how we are supposed to do. Do you still feel envy when you see how your mommy spends money on your siblings but when you're young you get scolded because you're pouting walking home and going home with nothing? Don't worry. Someday you can buy yourself things that you desire without thinking about others just to satisfy your inner child. Someday, you would be able to buy yourself car toys and display them on shelves. Someday, you wouldn't sleep with mosquitoes, rats, cockroaches, and other insects. Someday, you will find your home. Home where you're about to rest not to feel drained. Someday, you will wear the clothes you wish to have that your parents do not support you. Someday, you will tell your parents who you are; going out from the closet. Freedom to tell you like the same gender as yours. Someday, you will put yourself before others and not care what others say about you. I hope you continue finding your reason to live every day. If you read this on the day you're still alive. I'm glad and I'm happy. Live for your young self, give her a favor, and do what you think she's going to be happy. henzy