A letter from Aug 04, 2023

Hello me in the future. I know you have probably forgotten about this, but! Hi! It's you when you were 15. Happy birthday dude! You made it to a large milestone! You're awesome for that. You lived on. I'm so proud of you for making it. Time for goals I have. By the time I'm 18, I want to know if I'm going to college or not. I want to have enough money saved that I can move out and pay my bills without being dirt poor. I want to have a good enough paying job to be able to save up for a trip to Turkey and reach the save goal in at least 6 months, but probably a year after I turn 18 and move out. I want to be genuinely happy. Not fake happy and fake recovered but still cutting every now and then. I want to be able to not feel bad about setting boundaries and keeping them implemented. I want to be the best version of myself, or at least working on it. I want to have bought my own car by then. I want to be graduated. I want to realize my self worth. I want to have been in a relationship. (that part sounds very dumb/teen coming of age movie) I want to be in college if that's what I choose to do. I want to shave my head on my 18th birthday and donate all of my hair. Time for the updates in my life. I'm working on my business. I don't really know where to start and we're kinda really poor so I don't know when I can buy supplies, but I can draw and put hoodies/shirts up. I got my permit on August 3rd. Tomorrow (August 5th) I'm going to actually drive for the first time. I did a small back up and a small pull forward today, but it was no more than a few feet. I'm very nervous for my GED even though I've decided to just wait until I'm 17 to take it. I hope I pass it first try. I haven't sh in a month-ish right now. I'm proud of myself. My ED thoughts aren't too bad, but I'm losing weight constantly and it's throwing me off. I'll manage though. My tics are not very bad like they were in December 2021. I don't get the big attacks anymore. Just little ones every now and then. They're mostly triggered by other people ticking or twitching. I haven't fainted this summer, but I get the dizziness, loss of vision, loss of hearing, face tingles, and limb weakness almost every time I stand up. I get my wisdom teeth out on Tuesday, August 22nd. I'm nervous abt going under or not going under and hearing/feeling things. I swear my dairy intolerance is getting worse. Mom and Tom have been think of splitting. I swear Tom is genuinely depressed. I've been loving these bands lately 3 Doors Down, Three Days Grace, Twenty One Pilots, Panic! At the Disco, Green Day, Eminem, Linkin Park, Nickelback, Bring Me the Horizon, Rise Against, and other similar artists. Music mean so much to me. I wish I could ALWAYSSSS listen to music. Questions? Are we happy? Did we pass pur GED first try? Do we love ourself? Did I decide to go to college? Did we move into a house with my own room? Did mom stop drinking in July of '23 or did she pick it up again? Are we still friends with Thane? Did mom and Tom split? When did Twenty One Pilots release the album? Was I right on my purple/orange assumption? Is it more Blurry face era or more SAI era? Are we still super fans of tøp? I don't feel like this really said much, but I'm so proud of you. Thank you for being yourself, Em.