A letter from Aug 06, 2023

Dear FutureMe, How are you? I think that's a good way to start. I hope you're doing better, I hope you've found peace, I hope you have good friends in your life and I hope you've managed to work through some of our traumas. Most of all I hope you're still here and the thoughts didn't win. You probably wont remember me, because our memory is awful and I hardly remember yesterday, lol. Right now, 06/08/2023, I'm not doing great. In fact, we haven't been doing great for a long time. I'm unemployed, I'm having to distance myself from bad influences, I need more support than just therapy - which I'm in the process of getting, I'm lost, I'm empty, I'm confused, I'm stressed, I'm unmotivated and I could go on for ages. You probably remember all this though, but I'm hoping its something you remember and smile at, knowing you've gotten through it. So, what's going on... Do you have a job? You better! Are we still with Max? I hope so. Are our trust issues gone? Praying they are. Is Tonisha still our best friend? She better be! How's mum and dads relationship? Divorced I reckon. Are we finally better...? You're probably cringing at this, or crying, or laughing, or smiling- probably all of them. 3 years is a long time! I think... I'm not sure, maybe it isn't long enough for major change. I really hope it is though, we NEED major change, I need major change. Have you seen more of our nieces and nephews? It's hard right now since I don't drive and live 3 hours away from the family. Do you see more of our family? Are you healthy? Do we finally eat enough, sleep the right amount? Have you stopped using substances that only made us feel worse? I reckon so, because since a few days ago, I've decided to stop drinking and using other substances. I'll start drinking again at some point, well, next month since I turn 18, but I know I wont do it much at all. Do you have any hobbies? Do you get out and do things? I hope so, I'm sick of all my days blurring together while I rot away in my room. I'm sick of life, but I hope you're LOVING life. You deserve it and It's not often I tell myself I deserve something- but I hope I'm not telling myself, as I am right now, that I deserve it- I hope I'm telling a different me, the best me. Maybe not the best, David did say it could take years and years for us to heal... I just want you to be better. Oh! Another thing, do we still have David as a therapist? I hope so, he really gets me. It's currently 02:22am, I'm sure I could think of more to talk about but I should probably try rest. [I wont, I'll send this to you then go scroll on tiktok until my eyes sting] I hope that you can answer this the way I want you to, but if not, don't beat yourself up about it- I do enough of that already. We've been through so much, I'm proud of us. <3 Love, You, 3 years ago.