A letter from Aug 06, 2023

Dear FutureMe, hi. you're twenty and i think that's ******* insane. obviously you know what my first question is. where are you? have you moved out? are you in germany? im terrified of your answer being no but if so, is it okay? is it not that bad? i hope you're still okay and beautiful, you always have been. im sorry ive realized that a bit too late. you know you're currently at the age ive always wanted to be. two decades. cant help but fantasize about it. how's your german? im at an A1. hope thats improved. are you with j? a huge part of me hopes youre with him. i think im terrified of the idea of moving on, i dont like the thought of loving someone else or letting anyone else touch me. and im scared of knowing youre okay with that, that maybe youve moved on and youre happier that way whether youre alone or with someone it doesnt matter. i hope youve found comfort in your own company. i hope you know that however your life looks like right now, im proud of you. proud of whatever it is youve become. im sure pappy would be too. i cant imagine that its been 5 years where youre at. im not sure if id like it better if youve healed or not. maybe still hurting over it gives me comfort in knowing you havent forgotten; you know im terrified of forgetting. also im high as i write this, its ****** up i know, hope youve taken better care of me. ***** weird with your mom, i dont really understand our relationship but wbu, do you love her? i dont really wanna stay on the topic of her i just wanted to know. anyway, farida? i have no doubt i just need to make sure cus if not idc pick up the phone and fix it. what abt aysel, jamila, ghalia, alaa? i hope you havent forgiven aisha and i hope youve kept a strong bond with your girls. is this august gonna be augusting? hows summer so far? did you have a bd? i hope you did. do you still play your guitar? how uni? are you working? sorry i know this is all pretty much questions; i just cant wait to get to know you. im terrified of the future, truly. but what if its good? what if i survive? that sounds beautiful and maybe ill live for that. i think thats enough to live for