A letter from Aug 05, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Hey, so um currently I'm 19 years old. I know pretty crazy huh. Well I mean to me it sounds very much normal cause ya know I'm currently living it lol. I'm at work writing this right now. Ya know the car shop. I don't know if you're still going to be working here but yeah it's been slow just like every other Saturday. Incase you forgot I'm only working Saturdays here. I'm getting paid $16/hr :( Very much sad but it's whatever. Honestly I feel like a failure right now. I feel so empty but I also feel very lucky. I found someone amazing. His name is Adrian. We've been together for almost two months now. I mean we've been talking for quite awhile now but you know we made it official on June 19, 2023. The day after father's day as Adrian likes to remember it lmao. I hope this letter finds you well. I genuinely hope you're in a much happier place than I am right now. My parents/ family are going through it again. My dad's been drinking which of course has always been an issue and part of the reasons why they always argue. Mom wants to leave him again. She said she loves him but wants to end the cycle of repeated arguments and nonsense. I honestly understand her. I bet it's tiring for her. But I also understand my dad because he's been drinking since a super young age. He kept making promises to us that he'd stop but it just doesn't end. Since I've met him when I was about 5 he's been drinking non stop. It used to be worse back then and now it's getting a little better but I really don't think it's ever going to stop. It's his addiction now. I don't like saying this but he's technically an alcoholic. I hate that word so much. Anyways, I hope that whenever I receive this message that I have found myself and that I'm truly happy in whatever situation I'm in. I hope that I have a good paying job or just a job where I'm not constantly being drained from. I hope that I have my own place where I'm not consistently stressing out over paying endless bills. I hope that I stay in good touch with my family and in remain in good terms. The reason I say this is because a few days ago my mom and I argued over me never going to have liberty and privacy in this household. I've been dying to move out of this place since senior year high school. Since I was 18 but you know how things go. You never truly get it your way unless you work your *** for it. Sometimes life is unfair but that's just life if you allow it to be. I just applied to Ross since I don't actually have no other income coming in right now but I Promise myself that I'm going to find a way to make money, be mentally and physically healthy, be happy, and be in love with myself and someone. I really hope it's Adrian. I really don't want to lose him ever. He means the world to me. I've had the best times ever with him since I've met him. 2 days ago we argued because there was a big misunderstanding. I had made it seem like I didn't want to grab his hand because I did pull away but I did not realize that there were guys walking by as I did that which made it seem very sus and weird. But the reason I did it was because I was paranoid and afraid that my parents would be outside of the movie theater looking at me or spying at me you know. Plus that was the day I told my dad about Adrian. But I referred to him as only a friend. He said that if he ever found it we were dating or got together or if I started to like him he would feel betrayed. Anyways my dad talked quite a bit of nonsense which made me upset but yeah. I just want to be happy with someone, with Adrian. I love that foo so much. Gosh I genuinely love him and I hope he loves me too. He makes me the happiest girl in the world. I feel so safe in his arms whenever we're together. I want to be perfect for him. I want to be the best for him. I hope that we can grow old together and be the happiest ever together. I'm currently taking a break from college because I can't handle it right now which might be the dumbest or smartest decision ever. All I know is that I'm going to make it big in the world. I can feel it. No matter how long it takes I know I'm going to find a point in my life where I'll finally be free, at peace, and happy. Whenever you get this I hope it brings a smile to your face. I love you Ashley please take care of yourself okay. Please don't give up. There's still hope out there, I know it. I love you future me. Take care and Happy Birthday incase you get this on your birthday. P.S. your so old now lol :P I love you. From younger you.! Stay safe pretty girl <3 (08/05/2023)