A letter from Aug 05, 2023

Dear FutureMe, I hope that you have gotten over your anxiety filled thoughts on relationships, especially with those who you can't ever tell your real feelings for. I know that it is hard to sometimes be yourself, but there are people who will love you just for you in this world. I think that because we grew up in a lifestyle that doesn't always agree with being different, you have to walk the line of perfection 24/7 and it's okay to not. you should have told avery how you actually felt and not pushed her away like you do alot of people. did I just conjure up that in my mind or was it real IDK. I know that youre getting close to Alana, but it will not ever be more than a Meer relationship built upon you both liking cycle and the environment that she creates for you to be yourself. its beautiful but damning at the same time. How do you create a space for yourself without clinging onto others to help build that? why are you so afraid of letting people love you? well probably because you think they are going to leave you like your dad has done multiple times. its hard and lonely growing up but at a certain point you have to let someone in -- and it can't keep being people who are unavailable. I hope the daydreaming continues and the laughter, I hope you find something you love to do for work, maybe that is still at oracle or somewhere else. I hope you travel and see the world. I also hope you stop doubting yourself on things that you clearly can do when relaxed. be the change you wish to see in the world Samara. I know you can do it.