A letter from Jul 28, 2023

Dear FutureMe, I hope you're doing better. you are going through the worst break up you could imagined right now. You left and ran out on the love of your life because you didn't know who you were anymore or what you wanted. You love him so much and you feel so alone, you walked away from the one person who loved you so much. Who adored you and made you feel so special. I know now you feel that for the rest of your life that is it. You don't believe you will ever find love or connection again and it breaks you heart. You knew if you were to stay together you'd have to stay in Australia forever. At the time of writing you didn't know if that was what you wanted. You wanted him but you were scared how far away you were from 'home' but then you realised home wasn't a place, home was being with him. You thought that small things mattered and you started to get frustrated that you didn't have the same interests, you felt that you joined in with things he liked but he wasn't fussed all the time doing the same for you. You did feel that everything was always turned into being your fault, even when you had an issue with something to begin with. You thought the grass was greener on the other side. You ran out on everything: your job, your love, your flat. You feel so lonely and lost now. You feel that nothing will make you happy and you can't understand how you could leave the person who gave you the happiest 18 months of your life. It feels like you'll never get over the destruction you caused, the pain to your own life. I walked away from my best friend and I can't get it back. My parents have such an unhealthy relationship and talk to each other in such a negative way. I don't know why I cam back and threw away what I had. I want to look at pictures and videos of us together, but it breaks my heart. I miss him so much. 3 weeks of being home in my home country and he blocked me and wants nothing to do with me, he fought so hard for us and I gave him nothing back. I realised too late what I lost. He taught me the meaning of love, he made me feel safe, he made me feel happy, confident, and gave me self worth. I can live without him, I know that but what kind of life is it? One filled with pain, sorrow and hurt - without him it just feels like I'm existing, trying to find happy things to fill in my time, however when I was with him everyday was just happy. I did not give Australia enough time, I did not try hard enough to establish a life outside him, I just made my whole life about him as I was so besotted. I don't believe I'll ever love again, I don't believe I'll ever have someone love me or have that connection with me again. I don't want to make assumptions about your life now. But I hope you get everything you deserve, you have a heart full of love, I hope you have a full life. All my love.