In 9 years...

Dear FutureMe, Remember me? Guess not. Well where to start? You were an interesting girl, by interesting I mean weird. Lol. But I guess that can be expected from the people you surrounded yourself with. We loved mom very much but half the time she just didn’t understand the situations in which she placed you. I know that it might be shocking for you but honestly how many times must you cry before the pain goes away? On that note you did have your moments of crying. Why? Well because you were an emotional wreck! Missing people who are gone is alright but I hope that you grew up in all this time. I mean honestly I do because I am so unhappy right now. I don’t want you to be that way as you read this. Think back and try to remember all those who mattered to you. Mom and dad will always be the same. Both striving to make a perfect daughter out of an imperfect and obsolete version. Do forgive mom okay, she put you through hell but you were only trying to help her during the time that we escaped from Joe. It was a painful 8 years and now I’m at that point in my life when down is up and up is down. It’s a loony world I live in. But life WILL get better, I just know it. David, James, Jordan and Jason all matter to you. Each of your younger brothers counts in your life and will never feel like strangers when you’ve reunited once again. I know it’s hard to help raise Jason and Jordan since you’re not their mother but it had to be done. Mom was working and you were at the end of you pitiful rope, at least now I’ve got a reason to live longer and you had a chance to do something great with your life. David and James were the two that you grew up with, David was you companion from the moment you were two and he was one. Don’t allow that bond you share with him to die okay? Yes you are the only girl out of you five kids but you could fair well against them and being the elder sibling is something to be proud of. Grandpa had a solid place in your heart. I still hurt even though three years have passed by me. How about you? Does that horrid pain in your chest tighten every so often when he comes to mind? I know most wouldn’t find this at all sad but grandpa was more so a father figure in your life, if you remember. Dad was there but always in and out of your life. Don’t hate dad for that, but don’t forget about grandpa either. Both men shaped how you grew up and both loved you deeply. Remember how grandpa would always share with you his many boxes of chocolate covered cherries? Because his kids all would buy them for him, since buying things for grandpa was like trying to find the door in the dark. But he did enjoy those chocolate covered cherries, especially frozen. I will forever miss him and he will always have a place in my heart, hopefully he’s still there in yours. Cry a little and you’ll feel better. Don’t hold in all your feelings because it has a bad outcome later on. I don’t know if you remember but there was that time when we went on without crying for almost three months and then you cried in front of mom. She thought for sure that you were going to lose your mind. Be careful though okay, don’t do something that will effect our way of life. As for the many other people in your family; try to keep close ties with them alright? They all mean the world to you and you won’t want to lose any of them. Make sure to give Finnia, Nemoo and Armando a ring every now and again. Maybe even admit to Armando one day that you really like him despite the distance. Maybe you’ll do that between the day this was written and the time now when you’ve begun to read this. Armando. If you’ve not revealed your feelings by now then you must have either messed up with him or moved on. I’d say at this point, out of all my 18 years of life, he is the only guy to possibly know the real us and accept us as we are. Don’t ever forget that though you’ll most likely never be together, that he’s still one of your closest friends, whom will hopefully be in your life as you read this. Don’t let anyone change the way you think or feel! Love the things that make you smile or just make you feel as a whole. Remember always that life does seem grim but there’s always something positive to take from bad experiences. Life is unfair and it seems that fate intended it that way. So all we can do is live it to our utmost and just see where it takes us, let’s hope it’s somewhere good. Let’s both hope that you become a writer like I had always dreamed. Hopefully you didn’t compromise and settle for less when you know in your heart that writing means the world to you and you seriously cannot live with out it! One of these days a door will open up in your mind and things will seem more clear then they might have as the years passed you. Maybe in this letter I’ve written to you it will somehow open your eyes and make you say ‘wow this was who I used to be, but what happened to me that would allow such a change’. I don’t know if this is in fact what you’ll think but it is possible. A final word, please promise that as you read this, that you escaped from Arizona and moved to back to New York as you always wanted to. That would be the ultimate dream! This is me signing out to you. Good luck with your next future letter. Love Always, Panda-Chan P.S. - pick up the phone and call: Mom Dad Gram Great Gram David James Jordan Jason Uncle William Kevin Aunt Brenda DJ Tiff Annette Josie James Novi Johnny Nemoo Finnia Armando