A letter from Jul 18, 2023

Hello you, 2:27 PM Eastern Standard, you are in Las Pinas and in front of you are two screens each spanning the corporate email and service dashboard. You started your day all up and great. Spent hours on chores and gaming then 10am came and you turned on your work laptop and enjoyingly processed multiple tickets, caught up with co workers. Part of your day involved texting him, the man you are currently dating. You make sure to wake up around 4:30am EST just to make sure that you are able to text him your regards. You aim to maintain consistency with the little expectation that he will reciprocate. It's gambling time. Despite reporting US times for consistency, it's a cold 2AM where you are now. You are alone listening to Are You Ready With Joanne Molinaro Ep. "Will You Marry Me?". No one is with you, you are alone and you really wanted someone to be with you right now. You got no one sadly, but I have you. I'm calling to you from the past to send prayers, thoughts, energy of healing. It's been difficult, having to mentally break down nearly everyday with your anxious mind tapping to your vulnerable self generating noise that seems to silence every working collective logic and consciousness that you posses. What do I feel right now: Alone, scared, lonely, lacking. I feel that he is no longer interested in me and is just talking to me without intent. I lack the assurance that I need. I want the hard answers. How will you keep this thoughts at bay: Make my needs known, be an open book and be transparent. What's keeping you: I'm afraid that he'll back off, that he's talking to someone else better, that I might lose someone again and not able to promptly recover. And why is that a bad thing: I keep on experiencing this with the people I like. In my mind, the reality is people that I like will leave. Tap on the aether of the lifestream surrounding you, what are their words: King of Cups, Ten of Wands, Inverse Q of Swords: The lifestream affirms my feeling of being overwhelmed, isolation and with that the pessimistic view of the world comes. In a loving take on it, remain devoted and the Dragon King shall emerge. The collective universe placed the Firebird and the Dragon King to be your soul guardians. You are in despair but the promise of rebirth and a determined spirit shall emerge once more. I hope this will be your future. A strong person yet is still able to feel deeply. Someone who will be able to take on the world, regardless on what you see on others and what others may say about you. "You're valid, your growing, so use that heart of yours. Allow yourself to feel! Let your heart stop working when it stops beating" -Day 83 Paano Kung... masaktan ako?