A letter from Jul 17, 2023

Dear FutureMe, heyyy ;) don't get fooled by my mood life sucks but i just woke up so i don't feel the burden of my sins just yet. I'm sure the stress will catch up, in fact i already feel it rising from the pits of my stomach. if i remember correctly, i told you last week that i only felt like school was alright bc things hadn't overloaded yet. they have now, and i was right. its terrifying. in fact just the other day this week i had a meltdown about it and slammed my door a couple times. people were being unreasonable and by people i mean mom and the school "academic adviser". that's actually their job title, useless *******, they don't even know anything. there's two of them. they suck, and they are the bane of my existence. someone explain to theses people that if i have to go to school for nine hour and sleep for nine hours and then STUDY OUT SIDE OF SCHOOL HOURS for SIX hours, i wont have anytime for anything else. not even ********. that by the end of this school year id be dead inside. they don't seem to understand that we students just like the rest of the world have 24 hours in a day not 36. ill endure their unreasonable expectations but just bc i basically signed up for it when i enrolled there and that the enotional pressure is exactly what parents pay them to do. whatever. anyway currently I'm looking at idk, 30, pages of physics, plus the 30-ish questions, and around, hmm, 70, calc equations. and maybe 30 pages of reading for that too. and we're not even mentioning literature. when i got home today at three i basically collapsed after showering and having lunch. i woke up at 18:00 around 30 mins ago. that leaves me with a maximum of 3-4 hours to get all that done before i have to sleep again. (last night i didn't sleep and istg every teacher basically looked at me weird and then not-so-indirectly they told me to stop. in a really mean way. sry not sry to them ig.) during this very tough week I've tried my bestest to not think of the life i would have had. the school i would have gone to, the friends i would have had, the subjects i would have studied. it does me no good, so i try very hard not to think about it. we're here now. its not like i can do anything about it now, so we don't stress it. honestly if i had the TIME to think about it i probably would, but the days are going so fast it feels like yesterday we started school but it was two weeks ago. before i know ill be a year in the future and i just know ill know nothing. i talked to Josef on the phone today and it honestly feels weird to go from talking everyday to once a week. i hate it. not that we're awkward, I'm sure if we didn't talk for the rest of our lives even when we eventually meet in the after life it wouldn't be awkward between us, which is weird, bc im not like that. i hope you had a better week than me and that you'll have a better tomorrow too. you're past self, with love, saba. p.s. i love you. say it back >:0