A letter from Jul 17, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Hey. This day I feel so weak. Me and Dada fought idk what's with him. He's the worst father I've ever met, my friends are so lucky to have a loving and caring father, unlike mine. He always scold me and my sisters whenever he's mad, his words sucks, it always made me shrunk. All he gave was trauma and I will never ever forget all the things he did, he ruined us, he ruined his family. He's a manipulative, gaslighter and an abusive father! I remember waking up from their scream because he and my mother fight, I remember going between them just to protect my mom, I remember how he beats and slap me for protecting my mom, I remember mommy had to go abroad to work and he's the one who's n charge of me and my sister and he always kick us to wake up to go to school(he never woke us up like how other parents do), I remember the day where mommy doesn't want to go home yet and he trap me and my sister into the room and almost ******** us with a knife but luckily my guardian angel saved me, he forgot to lock the door and I opened it for me and my sister to run we tried to ask help for my tita(L) but she just laughed at us as if we're joking. and just this year he stabbed me with fork, I still can remember how she treated my mommy back then, she introduced me to his mistress who's a dancer at "P" campaign and want me to thank and (almost bowed at her mistress) for treating me a soda. I was still a kid back then, I don't know nothing. I tried to told it about my mom and they fought about it but all I received from my father was a slap and no one ever stood for me, my tita(L)was there, she and her husband was there when my dad and that girl dated! I HATE MY LIFE!!!! I DON'T DESERVE THIS KIND OF LIFE!!! I've been through this ****** life, I grow up having to know financial problems, sometimes my mom say "we can't send you to school tomorrow because we have no money" It hurts a lot, seeing my mom suffered, seeing my sisters not having what other kids have, a happy family, toys, nice home, safe place, I AM HURT, IT ***** ME EVERYDAY! EVEN TAHO, THEY CAN'T EAT BECAUSE WE HAVE NO MONEY. Dad always ask money to mom just to buy beer, which my mom tried to Budget it for us to live. I suffered with depression but no one ever notice, no one ever treated me right!!!! And to be honest, if it's not for my grandmother(my father's mom)we were nothing, we were homeless, we definitely could die in starvation, thanks to her for saving my family because my dad couldn't he's jobless and always drunk and addicted to smoking. I chose to live because God wanted me to. Also, I suffered from anxiety which sometimes doesn't let me sleep at night, where I thought anytime by tomorrow I'll be gone or having trouble at breathing. Part of me is glad that I survived after all that happening, because I saw my sisters grow up and got to bond w them. I wrote this at Monday, July 17 2023 at 7:39 PM I got a headache from crying, hope we'll heal:)) So this is my real message for you future me, please take care, work on yourself, be a better person never let anyone treat you how they treat you back then, move on and heal. YOUR DAY WILL COME. IN GOD'S WILL. Btw, I miss you nanay Dolores(my mother's grandmother), you're already 80+ and I miss you please don't give up, live for me you're the only realest person that ever cared for me, I thank God everyday for your existence, I love you so much I hope we meet soon nanay, you're my favourite person of all, I hope we could spend our time being together FOREVER. I love you and I miss you nanay. Excuse my grammatical errors I'm so hurt rn I just write whatever comes into my mind. C.i 17