A letter from Jul 08, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Hi Sammy, I just wanted to ask "Are you happy?''. I hope you are. I really do. You know how I've been feeling since the past two years. I'm miserable, lonely and lost. All your friends have great careers, are married and some even have kids. And you are still the same woman you've been since 2020. You have high ambitions but don't know where to start, you know you're smart but are still struggling to find something you're passionate about, you're crazy about being in love and finding your soul mate- but life has never given you the chance nor the man. You keep blaming yourself- Why me? What did I do wrong? why the **** don't things go my way? Am I ugly? Am I at fault? I'm just so sad. Sometimes depressed- so much that I feel I'd fall into this black hole and never find my way out. I can't stop worrying if I'll ever find happiness. Will I ever have an amazing career? Will I ever find an amazing man to share my life with? It's late. I am 28 - 2 more years and I'll be 30. I'm terrified. I cannot stop crying. I've always tried my best and yet I find myself falling and failing. How long do I have to keep this up? How long do I have to keep getting up and keep running forward? I don't have the strength to anymore. I want to stop...but I don't want to give up. I cannot seem to give up. So, I want you to remember these times and remember that you've tried your best. And you will give it your best. Every. ****. time. I hope you're reading this with tear of joy in your eyes. I hope you're proud of me for not giving up and I hope you're proud of you for achieving what you've wanted. I hope you'd laugh and think how silly this was and yet you'd think of me and feel a little sad. Maybe share this with the one you love and share the times of hell I've had and he'd hug you as you cry out your pain.....You and I have never been vulnerable to anyone...even our parents...even our best friends. So I pray that you'd find someone who'd hold you as you cry, who'd be your safe haven, who you can finally be vulnerable to, who sees you and loves you for you- at your best and your worst. And If he's near you right now...Hug him, Kiss him. Tell him I was waiting. And your career- you are smart. You just need a way. I promise I'll find it for you. For your future. For our future. I love you. I'll always try to love you no matter what. you are me and I am you. Love sammy(2023)