A letter from Jul 07, 2023

Dear future, Are you happy? I hope so at least a little bit. I'm writing you this from the beggining of summer 23, I'm supposed to be doing something else of course, so forgive me if this reads as rushed. I hope you made it to uni, you better have, and have stuck with it!! All I really want is for us to find something we enjoy, do as well as possible at it, and then leave to do something completelt unrelated like becoming a failed artist. The things that I feel make me up are, Alex G - especially right now his song, "Witch". A New Yorker article https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/10/19/adrianne-lenkers-radical-honesty. I also just recently watched heavenly creatures, which is almost very good but I still liked it a lot. Anywhere that the macrabre and romantic meet I am in love with entirely. I wonder how you think of me now? I know I must be making some stupid mistakes I don't know about, but I promise I am trying. Truthfully, I am very worried about where you might be, I feel I have a huge responisiblity to create something good, and as gentle as possible for you, even though as of yet you do not exist (exept in me? I am what you grew out of). Things I am afraid of: . We become depressed . University is too overwhelming and we drop out . Or we don't make it there at all . I'm stuck doing something I do not enjoy . I am not kind to myself . I have not learned from the mistakes I am making now, I hope we are a new kind of sad Things I hope: . To fall in love . To be content . That you look back at me and do not regret entirely . That you do not become complicit in your own life, look for what you desire, create it If you are a gentle person, which I'm sure you are, then I'm proud of you no matter. I do think it's almost a crime that we cannot melt into the world, I look out at the sunlight and the whole sky, right now through my open window, and I think - if I could become that, I would be able to make it known without words the things I think. For example a flower only exits, it does not perform, but it creates so much beauty. I'm rambling now, but there are abstractions like this that I hope you grow into understanding, because I do not. I think a large part of me, is built around pretending or examining weather I do, but deep down the way I look at the world is not romantic, because I know that is not the whole truth. I'm mostly just scared - but I'm not sure why. ANYWAYS - from seventeen, my advice is to love without fear and do it entirely because everything is fleeting. I'm sending you my hopefulness, and please give yourself a hug from me. Love, Sophie.