A letter from Jul 03, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Hello to you so isusulat ko to bago ko pa man makalimutan kung ano yung nararamdaman ko. This is also for you to reminisce the memories and what you feel this day (tue. 2 july 2023 mon). The first time i came to the hall with a dress I'm not confident to wear i felt so embarrassed and all that, but anyway i don't really care that much. Fastforward, i saw my bestfriend which kinda look different from the usual (gwaps). I felt something, i don't know what it is. Anyway time passby, while the boys and girls are dancing together i was at the corner with my female friends. Paired with the loud music and the dancing people i can't help to think that I'm supposed to dance also at the dancefloor and have fun just like any other people but i chose to not. But what am i doing? I didn't make effort about my outfit, the reason? It's just for one night, nothing special. And it's not like I made an effort to get someone to notice me. (But i somehow wanted to look good). The music is so loud that it reach my heart and then suddenly i think about someone.. not my crush or the person who confessed to me but my friend who sometimes act not a friend to me. The lights reached my eyes and a thought came to my mind what if... what if i let myself to be in love with someone? Would i feel different? I realise that i didn't really enjoy my senior hight school life. The beat of the music and the loudness gives me goosebumps all over my body. For a long time i felt jealous. I'm so caught up with the thought that it's okay if I'm comfortable being alone that it's okay not to interact with other people and not to show any interest with anyone even the person i have crush with. Should I... or should i not consider having a boyfriend? This is the first time i thought about this. My heart is beating so loud that i wanted to cry. I'm overthingking and being depressed again. I thought a lot of things that night. The music of Brent Morgan (I'm gonna be okay) can't help me this time to calm my thoughts. I only live once. I already knew to cherish the moment while you're still young. This is not about having boyfriend but this is all about the regret to have fun while we can. Sometimes what we think is good for us is not really good for us not until we snap out of it. Change before you regret. But i want something to ask, do you have a boyfriend now😀?