A letter from Jun 30, 2023

Dear FutureMe, 2 weeks ago you arrived on your dream destiny: America. You've found a lovely family that you already feel at home with. You had to let a couple things go to be where you are right now. Your apartment, your job, your car. You said goodbye to your friends and family. And you let a couple people be in your past already. Because you know they aren't worth fighting for and they won't be there when you come back. Maybe it is better this way, because now you don't have to make the choice yourself. You also said goodbye to Geertje. Maybe one of the hardest goodbyes you had to say, because you already knew the chances of her not being there when you come back are very big. You threw a wonderful goodbye party with all of your important people being there. And said cheers for the first and maybe last time with oma and geertje. Now you are here, trying to live your dream and become the person you always wanted to be. I already know that this year is going to be a hard but very good year. I hope you figure out what you want to become in the future. Because that has always been a thing in your life that you found very hard. Not knowing what you wanted in the future. I know you know what kind of woman you want to be but not what you want to do for a living. And love is also very complicated. You feel like you haven't really been in love and are looking for something that you maybe will never find. Maybe you need to figure out what you really want and see love in a different way. You've come a long way loving yourself more and seeing yourself the way you are. You already know your strenght and are fighting your demons everyday. I am already very proud of the woman you became. You chose to go after your dreams even when it was hard, even when people weren't cheering you on. Even when it meant you had to let go of certain things. Letting go of the things you were comfortable with.. But knowning it will open new doors. You always felt like you are going to achieve big things in live, but not knowing how is difficult to deal with. The last three years your love life has been a rollercoaster. Maybe you did love Joep, or maybe you didn't. You're still not sure. You are still in contact with Steef and a lot of things have changed, but you still love him in some kind of way. Maybe love is knowing you can trust someone with your whole heart? Maybe love is knowing what you have, someone who will always stand next to you, someone who will always support you. Why can't I just love?.. Why do I want the people that don't want me, why do I want someone that doesn't like me for the woman that I am but for my body. Why do I do that to myself? I hope that in the next couple of years I will figure out how to love and to accept love the way I thought love would be like. I hope you already found someone to build your future with. Someone who stands next to you, appreciates you and will do everything to never lose you. And if this isn't the case, I hope you love yourself even more and the reason why you are alone is that you chose to be alone. And are building on your future yourself. And waiting for the right timing to let someone in. I hope you enjoy(ed) the times you are single and have lots of time to work on yourself. I wish your bond with your family becomes even stronger when you are back home. But they will let you live your own life without judging. Because I know you've always felt like the odd one out. You always want more in life and you set the bar high. I hope they have seen that now and don't feel like they don't matter. Because they are the most precious people you have in your life. You just want to live different lifes. But I hope they have see that that doesn't change anything in your love for them. If they didn't maybe this letter will help you to tell them once again you are different and want to live another life. But you love them very deeply. And will always be there when it gets hard. You are not only building on yourself for yourself, but also for the people you love. Because you want to become the best version of yourself and want to achieve your goals. I wish that in three years from now you feel happier than ever before. I wish that your family has grown as people and are doing more of what makes them happy. I hope that Shirley found her luck again and our bond is much stronger. Even though we do not see eachother every week, we do things monthly and sometimes just with the two of us. I hope that moms health improved and her pain went away. I hope that dad feels happy again and they are doing more of what makes them happy, together. I hope that Jace Bella and Lola enjoy their school days, even more than I did when I was a kid, and that I am the aunt who has been through everything and gives the best advices. And that I am a special person in their lives. I hope you made a lot of friends who live all over the world. Before I came here mom gave me the advice to live in the moment and not be on my phone so much. I am trying to do that and it already worked out. I see so much beautifull things. I have time to read a book, to write down how I feel. But do you realize how strong you are? Going to the other side of the world all by yourself. Meet so much new people, talk in another language, live in another house, drive on the American roads. It doesn't matter how this year will turn out, I am very proud of you that you did this. I am going to Maui in two weeks. And I want to leave all my pain behind me when I am there. After this week you are letting go of all the bad things that happened and are looking forward on everything that the future will bring. Never let someone tell you you aren't worthy, that you can't do something, that your dreams are stupid. Because it is YOUR dream and you have to make the best out of life yourself. You go girl!