A letter from June 25th, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Hi it's me, well past you ? I just wanted to say that i hope that you're in a better place than i am. Both mentally and physically. I really really hope you're not planning or even thinking of ending your life as much as i am rn. I hope you're still here to read this letter and you'll be able to look back and say "it's okay life goes on we are better now" We do love her yes, it's mom after all but we both know that a mom shouldn't treat their child like that. A mom shouldn't be threatening to **** herself each time she does something very bad and we make her aware of that. That we have feelings too, we get hurt too and we sometimes we want to die too but we wouldn't get to the point of writing a goodbye letter just so that she'll know that it's all her fault, blaming her for everything wrong that have ever happened in our life just so that she'll feel bad... we wouldn't even if she always do. Even if she does it all the time and we began to see it as something "trivial" after all she isn't fr right ? Yeah but what if? What if she really **** herself someday? She did that again yesterday, she left the house then began to send multiple texts about how she'll never come back and we'll never see her again, about how everything is our fault and she wished she only had one son even if he is addicted to drugs instead of us. Yep. She did that even she knows that we're already in so much mental distress because of a levels and we can't even eat nor think properly. Then she came back after some hours like always, told us how much she wishes we were not here and told everyone about how much of a "bad daughter" we are. For what huh ?? All we do is stay in our room and revise, we don't even bother her. It must be some kind of manipulation. Tbh sometimes i wish we could just do that too, to see if she'll care or just not give a flying ****. Even if we told Del that it's not the solution some days ago, that things always get better and we should just wait to be like at least 35 to die. Pretty hypocritical of us haha. Look at us now, we are even considering it. Anygays, anywhere you are in the world or in your mind, i hope things did really get better for us, for Del too even if we probably don't talk anymore. Work hard babe so that we'll have our own place that we can call home and where no one will tell us to go die or something. It's okie, it will be okie. Life goes on. Bts are probably back all together, the world is healing and so are we hopefully. I hope we really didn't die and got the chance to attend a concert haha. Stay strong, you got this. I'm proud of you, always. <3 With love, Past you xx