A letter from Jun 24, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Hey Lyric. Right now you are 17 even tho u still feel younger. You will be 20 when u get this omg. I hope you have grown out of that feeling by now. Did u make it as a kpop idol? I have been doing online auditions for the past couple of months but i havent gotten lucky. Im low key losing hope. My willpower to do anything is not too good. Maybe i just dont have the motivation. What is ur biggest fear? Right now it is forgetting. I absolutely hate forgetting even tho 3/4 of my life is missing. How do u feel about being 20? I bet it’s easier now that you dont have school. I never liked school. What about being 30? Do we still plan on it? I watched a tik tok a couple years ago where this girl in a kdrama said she didn't plan on living past 30 and i started to think about it a lot. Nothing really happens after 30. All you do is work until you die. So i planned on doing this same thing. Also we cant become an idol after 30 anyways, thats too old. I haven't been into dancing as much though i wish i was. I hate when people walk in while i am dancing, it ruins my motivation to do anything and i end up just laying down for the rest of the day. Im not too excited about graduating this next school year tho. I feel old and young at the same time. I feel like i don't have enough time. 4,660 days until im 30 then thats it ig. Nothing else to live for. If u didn't notice or most likely don't remember, we don't have an opinion about dying. If i were to not wake up this morning, i would be fine with it. I think some people would miss me but not too much, im not that memorable tbh. I dont have many friends either, or real friends at least. I haven’t had a real friend since mia soto. I miss her. I blocked her because she was being annoying but i regret it. I wish i could go back to middle school. Everything was easier and i didnt worry about everything so much. Maybe everything is ok now? What about mom? Do u still love her? What about all the siblings? Im ok with everyone right now. Why is this so sad all of a sudden? Anyways, did u end up going to korea with mom? Do u have a boyfriend/ girlfriend? Did u make it in life yet? Ik its only been 3 years but i hope u at least passed 1 audition. I am really hoping to become an idol someday. Its really my biggest dream right now. Are u even fluent in korean yet? I sure hope so. Im not a koreaboo but kpop is literally my life. Sometimes i wish i didnt get into it tho. Im pretty sure ive had like 3 eating disorders since 2018 (the year u got into kpop). Wonyoung is definitely the biggest influence. She suddenly got super skinny once she got into ive. Btw are u 130 yet? Thats always been the goal weight. Im 195 rn. I gained a lot of weight after losing it a couple years ago and now i cant get it off. The only thing i can do to actually lose weight is exercise but i hate exercising 😭. Ive tried every diet but nothing works like exercising. Idk what else to put in this. Ig send another email to ur future and hopefully you’ll answer. My heart hurts all of a sudden. Also stop being delusional, those kpop idols don't want fat girls nor girls who don't know how to take car of themselves. I HOPE U HAVE A ROUTINE BY NOW. I hate not having one, it is so stressful. I also hate when something gets in the way of my routine its so frustrating. Lets hope u will be able to get/ read this. I would say i love you but thats kinda weird. Im not insecure but thats weird. Anyways if ur not doing anything with ur life, you don't have much time left so fix it. See u soon. Lyric