A letter from Jun 20, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Please say the pain gets better. It really hurts. I want the pain to stop. It's flooding me. I'm trying to write to escape the pain, but it's not working. Infact I'm listening to Never Getting Rid Of Me on repeat. I just feel numb. To top it all off he's ghosting me. I think I need to call him. Maybe he'll answer then. I just can't believe 3 years of frienship is for nothing. All to be ended. Without any mersy. Was our friendship meant anything at all? He has Discord without his parents knowing. And he doesn't want to use that with me? What the heck? Does he hate me? What the heck? I knew everything about him. His trauma and I stood there when he was a cis female and listened to his every concern about transistioning. I even helped him ge threw those worries. He helped me stop feeling numb. Was it all for nothing? Now I'm here left without a close friend. I can't tell anyone I'm falling down a dark hole again. I have to hide it. And I was doing so good about being open. I hate this. Make it stop please. I'm begging you. Please say it gets better. I don't want to feel like this for much longer. Please. Would if I made one for Spruce? One of these? That would work? Right ? And have it placed for the next day? I think I might do that. I'll use a different gmail though. Wish me luck. As always I love you always and forever <3! Go drink water and eat food! Love, Ashlyn