A letter from Jun 12, 2023

Hi love! Alej, I hope this letter were still able to find you even tho It's been three years already since I wrote this letter to you, and I hope that in that time, we have grown and developed ourselves individually. As I write this letter, I am reminded of the complicated situation we were going through for a lot of time. Ngayon na sinusulat ko 'tong letter I'll be completely honest and idk if what will i say now will still matter in the future me/you but i hope u'll be able to read this in 3 years 🥺. Love, right now i was so close on giving up. mahal na mahal kita ng sobra, sobra sobra pa sa sarili ko. siguro yung sobrang pagmamahal na 'yon yung naglagay satin sa ganitong sitwasyon because i made you my world, i was so dumb because i know it's wrong na ituon ko atensyon ko sayo at kalimutan ang sarili pero mahirap pigilan kase mahal kita na kahit na alam kong nakakasakal ako, nakakapagod ako, toxic nako, at mahirap akong mahalin, hearing it from u doubled the pain, but all i can guarantee is that my intention of loving you was genuine and pure. yon nga lang napasobra. I remember feeling like I needed more attention and to be heard. I called you earlier a lot of times and message you "please answer me" kase i was so desperate to open up pero ikaw mismo naglalagay ka ng border sa pagitan nating dalawa like u're tired asf hearing all my ***** or ayaw mo lang talaga ng away? nirreminisce ko how i became like this and suddenly i remember getting emotionally cheated by you kahit fresh palang tayong naguusap hanggang sa naulit ng naulit ng naulit, the question i really wanted to ask was, "aware ka bang emotionally cheating yon o defensive ka?" maybe u know but u chose not to consider it as one. Iwas thinking maybe you said sorry not because you made me stay up all night crying and questioning myself but only because i found out. after that passado and kath galang revelation i found out while stalking your account, nagsimula na don hanggang sa hindi na natigil curiosity ko at pagaalala na baka maulit. kase after pouring all my love and attention to you i was so scared that you find other people more attractive and id do anything not to be put in that kind position again. I'm not that insecure before sa totoo lang, hindi ako yung jealous type of person na kahit anong gawin mo I'd still give u a benefit of the doubt but after meeting you and ivan, it changed my whole perception about love. Na possible pa palang ma attract sa iba while in a relationship? you can deny it all you want and i may forgive you but i will never be able to forget what u made feel during those times. 😭 1 year later of our relationship, I'm still bringing up the past issue kase may sugat pa rin, takot ako maulit ng maulit and i wish you'd do something or at least say something to make me forget all those things pero ngayon, hindi na ako priority mo at unti unti bawat gabi hindi ka na nag goodnight hanggang sa gabi gabi hindi na rin akong hindi makatulog. ginagaslight ko sarili ko na hindi sa'kin umiikot mundo mo pero mali atang nararamdaman ko to, ang unfair oras ko atensyon ko buhay ko nakatuon sayo and yet you can still sleep peacefully while i try to compose and comfort myself because the person i expect to do that was busy chasing his dreams and priorities in life. ako eto, i was left with nothing but to haunt the memories and self doubt, anxiety and fear. But i will be much happier and grateful if we will be able to work through these challenges and come out stronger on the other side. Na up until now, in 3 years, ako pa rin. Looking back, I am amazed at how much we have accomplished together. We have supported each other through the good times and the bad, and hindi ko matatanggi that I feel so lucky to have you by my side, you're the strongest and emotionally intelligent person I've know alej, and even tho i was toxic lagi akong proud sa naaachieve mo and i hope u could see that. you made me the happiest while we're together Still, i hope that in the last three years, we have continued to grow and learn from each other. I hope that we have continued to prioritize our relationship and make it a priority in our lives. Most of all, I hope that we are still in love and that our love has grown even stronger. I am excited for the future and all the adventures we have yet to experience together. With all my love, Katkat