A letter from Jun 10, 2023

Dear future Nick, I have no idea when you'll read this, but I hope you're in a better place, maybe you've gotten top surgery or started T. As my 13 year old self I don't even have a binder because my mum won't let me so I bind unsafetly or just have to deal with the ******* dysphoria which is almost as bad. Right now I see shadows that aren't there, which is pretty scary sometimes. I hope it gets better with that and maybe that they'll dissapear completely. I've made two suicide attempts the last 3 months and I'm glad I'm still alive, because even tho everything is far from good there's glimpses in life that I'm so thankful for and that I'm so happy I got to see and go through. I'm now about 2 weeks sh clean. Do you still sh or is it better now? How long are you clean for? So sorry to say this, but I don't have the energy to write more right now, but I will definitely write more letters. From 13 year old you