A letter from Jun 08, 2023

Dear FutureMe, It’s been pretty rough this year. I’m always busy. Guess that’s what I always wanted huh? Anyways I’m trying to do better with my habits. Have I fixed them yet? Did I make high school cheer? Do I still love alexandra and have a major crush on Odin Eades? I’ve been struggling with sleep and I’m always tired but I don’t ever wanna stop moving. Slap happy 😃 🥱. I almost broke Rileigh’s arm today. Fun times I guess. I really don’t know what to say. I am volunteering at our church this whole week and on top of that I have cheer. No breaks. Me and Alexandra haven’t been able to talk or hang out because we’re so busy. I’m always stuck being an unpaid babysitter for mom. Me and Noah don’t talk anymore and me a gabe are growing apart. I’m constantly thinking I hate my sisters except maddy. I’ve cried a lot this month mainly because of stress and self insecurities. I’m used to it by now. Alexandra is my therapist but she’s gone on break for a while I guess. I’m kinda lonely in the sense that nobody understands. I can’t talk to anyone because they think I’m depressed and still suicidal. I’m not I swear to them but deep down they don’t believe me. I’m on the cheer time but only an alternative because I’m not good at cheerleading. I have barley any tumbling and awful jumps, I screw up sidelines because I think about it too hard and Ive been nagged on the whole time. I guess the coach tried to get my hopes up when she asked my parents if she could move me to competitive cheer. She hasn’t even talked to ME about it. I don’t deserve it anyways lol. I suck. I can’t seem to ever do anything right. I screwed me and Addie’s friendship because I was questioning her and me and kenadie only talk threw fricking emojis. I feel like an abomination to my family and friends. At cheer I feel like I’m the worst one there and I’m ugly because all the other girls can afford going to get their nails and hair done and they could afford makeup supplies. Me and Ciera haven’t really talked unless she’s telling me to clean or change. Kinda annoying if you ask me. My dad and her have pushed my nanna away and we don’t see her very often. My dad does fun things but it always has a twist or if you do this kinda thing. I never have time to practice or condition or stretch. Always Ciera. Cieras world. Atleast she makes dad happy most the time. RAylann has been so annoying ever since she was told she’s like her dad. Trying to hard to make mean or funny jokes that their not even funny anymore. Rileigh has been also quite annoying. She always smells like smoke. Including Gabriel. It’s litterally so gross 🤮. Gabe got a job at sonic. Cool I guess. My mom has been pretty close and talked to me. My dad forced me to talk to him even tho I don’t have anything to say that is nice. Oh well. Family I guess. I wish I went to pappaws more often alone or with mom. It drives me up a wall when rileigh calls him pappaw. I want to throat punch her. Anyways happy birthday future me!!! Hope everything’s so much better, also get to go to three camps this summer🙂. Have a great b-day! Bye.