A letter from June 3rd, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Chapter 7*** She was so much  better than this ,it was him ,not him, They changed her . She used to be so much colorful . For me she was a rainbow who always made colorful meaning to my world. But now she is the one who is destroying my mental health, my daily routine. Bcoz of her I'm having trust issues over our ******* friendship. We've been together since 6th grade but she doesn't really appreciate it . I try everything to be with her, I try to change her to become my favourite rainbow but everything fails. She just doesn't wanna be that happy ,playful girl with me. She has got new friends who are really good to her but I always get a weird feeling about that group.  My this feeling is more like a hunch bcoz these types of feelings are always right. She is a part of that group in which I'm not a member.  She hangouts with them and make me see those photos of them together knowing how much it would hurt me. I know she does it intentionally but she is my be.. I don't even know if she is my best friend or not cause we are not really best friend now. We are just close friends. She made me realize that having a best friend is not enough but having tons of friends and none of them close is much better. She has so many friends and acquaintances but I only have her. She always wanted to be a part of big happy group, that popular group that made everyone jealous bcoz of their friendship... but I know everything about thay group. I have this feeling and this feeling is so ******* strong. This feeling tells me that when hard time comes they are gonna turn back on each other. Just 1 or 2 friends are gonna help each other but rest of them will leave that group and make new friends with new group. They will badmouth each other till their very last breath. My I don't know what ! thinks that her friends in that group are really good and I know she also thinks that they are better than me but I know if there will be a situation in which either one has to die, then I will die bcoz I can **** myself for her. She has many people who care for her but for me it's only her and if she dies what will happen to me. I don't wanna live in guilt of losing my only savior.  But that guilt feeling is now coming inside me. I guess I'm not enough for her that's why she went to them and treated me like ****. I know how much I've cried bcoz of her maybe like 4-5 times but I made her cry only once in which I was also crying but then she made me remember that everytime. It was my fault I guess for not knowing that she didn't need only me but a bunch of ********. She preferred those ******** over me. I accepted her apology but it doesn't mean that I have to give her a second chance. I can't forget this incident ,it will be always with me cuz it was more painful than a heartbreak. Now I don't care whether she stays with me or not. Now I'm not gonna be dependent on her , I will make new friends or a friend who knows a true meaning of friendship who doesn't betray each other. I never betrayed her ,it was her who betrayed our friendship all this time but I won't say this to her bcoz it will make her sad and she is going through a lot . She is going through so much **** bcoz of which she is making people around her less important . Just like she did to nishant..........