A letter from May 31, 2023

Dear Future Me, How we doin? How’s the first quarter century (the big 25)? I hope those years in Deloitte (or elsewhere? hmm??) haven’t beaten you down so bad. How’s Chicago (if you’re still there)? Did you get your CPA license lmao. How’s Travis? And the family? You really better have come out to mom and dad by then—I was literally just talking to mom about “Landslide” and got emotional before dinner today, so it needs to happen soon. Are mom and dad getting therapy because they should lol. Anyways, before we get into the bulk of this letter, why don’t you put on some boygenius (“the record” came out semi-recently!), old 70’s (Might I suggest “Love’s in Need of Love Today” by Stevie Wonder, “Ain’t No Way” by Aretha Franklin, or “Close to You”/”Yesterday Once More” by The Carpenters), or any of the old 2022/2023 favorites (mitski, jbrekkie, SZA, Kara Jackson, Walk in the Woods, etc.) and let’s take a little walk down memory lane. Also, don’t cringe too hard when I try to be sentimental and reflective. I’m doing the best I can just like I know you are! I’ve been feeling especially nostalgic since college just ended. It’s like all these “last’s” are suddenly popping up out of nowhere. I cancelled my last lesson and slept through my last class forgetting that they really may have been my last time ever. I keep joking that I don’t even remember what my last dining hall meal was. How obvious that those stupid, inconsequential, little things are the things I notice and miss—the “last”’s I overlooked. On top of moving soon, I can’t help but feel a little pessimistic about it all. I know that fate and destiny have a way of intertwining relationships only to pull them apart. Even so, “But that’s life” doesn’t feel like the reassurance I need it to be. Is it wrong to wish we had it another way? I guess the finiteness of it all is what imbues every detail, every word, every action with meaning. It’s like college was this huge mess of string—there wasn’t really any choice but to get tangled in people’s lives, even in small ways. There are so many connections, community, opportunity! Chance! A sense that we were all in this together. It’s sad to think about how distance and change are gonna erode those relationships. Really, all that will remain are those treasured golden memories, and God! How that’s gonna hurt so much. But that’s life, I guess. At some point, the string just runs out. In terms of friends, it feels like we’re down to countable interactions. Some dirty, finite number that can be contained within my fingers. Maybe it’ll be a wedding, a reunion, or, God forbid, a funeral before I catch the eye of an old friend. A college friend. That already sounds like 6 million years ago because…well. I graduated, and it’ll never be the same. And what a scary thought that is. Had a mini get together with some A minor folks recently and I couldn’t help wondering if this would be the last time we’d see each other. I hope you’re so swamped in living in the moment in Chicago and are surrounded by a new found family that the sad stuff of now is just background. And with luck, you’ll still be in contact with some old friends yeah? Don’t forget about them and how happy they’ve made you. How they helped shape your college experiences. LK, Anna, Tomaso, Nora…all the people that made you so so happy. Don’t forget your childhood friends, either. The indian gals will always have a special place in your heart. I mean…we were kids together. We share the same roots even if our paths have diverged a lot. It’ll always feel so so much different, but somehow the same. Thank them for sticking it through with you. What a gift it is to grow and change and have them grow and change and still love each other through it all. And even if you don’t have that type of connection wherever you are…they’ll always be there, even if you can’t feel it as much. That love is everywhere. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be. Doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. Take it easy. Adult life is hard. Impossible even. Hopefully, you’ve grown to be braver, more confident, and happy in the relationship department, too. Maybe you’ll have had a little boyfriend (s?) at this point which…good for you! You deserve love. And to be loved. At any stage of your life. At any body size. At any capacity. Find the people who love you and who you can love in return. I mean…that’s kind of all we got! On a less serious note, hopefully, you’ll also have had *** by then! You can do it! Intimacy is cool and having *** with men is hot! Late bloomer Capricorn and whatnot. Get out there. Like I know we’re the most avoidant people ever, but let this be your sign to go out there and live life. Be brave! Now that’s enough predictive preaching. Let’s hear about you! Music better still be part of your life. Are you doing more songwriting? Do you still have the Ballades in your fingers? Hmm. Have you been to any fun, famous festivals. Seen any great acts? I loved the Chicago shows I attended during my internship, and it’s one of the biggest draws for me right now. Have you found a cute little Wicker Park home yet with a dog of your own? Who’s to say. I hope living with Travis wasn’t so awkward lmao and that it hasn’t ruined your relationship. I hope you joined a book club or something fun and ***. Also health and fitness! Work is stressful! Please tell me you’ve learned to cook and take care of yourself. Are your friends settling down? That must be scary. But don’t worry, you’re moving at your own pace. As long as it's forward and all that. Your childhood home must be sold by now, that sucks. Man, so much is gonna be different in 3 years! You better hang on to every moment. The 20s are a vitally important time. You are your own worst enemy so treat yourself nicely! Anyways…there’s a lot to think about. Reflect on. I’m moving out in a couple weeks and then…it’s just the rest of my life. Work work work. No summer breaks. No classes or homework. Just uh…all of it. I hope you’re living in the moment. I hope you find somewhere, or some people, or someone you call home. I hope you still know what that means. Smiles and laughs. Good times. Bad ones. I feel like this is more existential than anticipated, but there are big changes ahead I guess. Wish me luck. Make me proud. And hey. I love you. Always and forever. Well. It's the end of the letter. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWzkei2Co3U&t=12s Until later :) Tristan