A letter from May 30, 2023

Dear Ann, I hope you're doing okay. I even think that now you've achieved everything you wanted so badly. Now it's the most painful period in your entire life. The most difficult. I don't know how you're going to live on, to move on with your life and deal with all this shit that came out of nowhere. I was planning a good future with Ivan (my boyfriend), he is so amazing!!! Was amazing. But.. He still is. But he decided to end the relationship between us and didn't want to talk even to sort things out. But I didn't know that something was wrong! And I think that it's all my fault. I was too hard on him. And I can't fix this or come back in time in order to fix it. I don't want to let him go... I just can't... "Moving on" is indeed one of the hardest things I could've imagined will be in my life. He was a big part of it. This week I'm going to have my first tech check in English and I don't know how I'm going to pass this storm this time. I miss him every day and now it is a very hard time at university. I'm going to finish my testing course at Mate Academy. It's very hard to study Cypress( automated testing), it's like... I can't take responsibility for my own life. Because one very vital part of my life is just.. gone... I don't know what will happen to you in these 3 years. But I know that there will be things you didn't see coming. And 2023 showed me that you can plan whatever you want, if God has other plans for you, everything will change if now you're on the wrong road. It's hard to let people go. It's heartbreaking. I hope, that now your pain is gone. I don't know if you will have the ability to talk with him. But is it going to change something? It's hard to accept things as they are. But now life is teaching you a lesson, which you haven't asked for, haven't prayed for... But) It's just happened. When you have goals and dreams things are gonna happen to you(bad and good ones also). You have to believe. The healing process isn't easy, but there were things you didn't know how to survive and still you are here, you are here alive and sometimes happy. I don't believe, that it happened because life is trying to protect me from something. Protect me from him???? I can't do anything about it. And I still hope that he will come back. But now it's definitely the exact time to concentrate on my well-being. My future job, perspectives, life, money, etc. I wanted us to have children, to live in our apartment in Kyiv, but now Kyiv is a place where I don't wanna come back to, because all my memories there are connected to my pain. To the day where he left me because 'I'm toxic and controlling'... I can't see any proper man near in my life. And no one will love me the way he always loved me. It's ironic that I'm using the word 'always' because my 'always' now it's my 'How to detach, get over heartbreak'. I don't blame him for his decision because it's mostly my fault. And I don't know if there are some words to express my condolences for all this. I hope, that you will be okay one day. Just remember about one girl, that believed she can go to Kyiv. And study. And don't give up. That girl didn't know that her life will be such a mess on the second course of uni, at the end of it. It's hard, as I already said. But you don't know it yet. You don't know the reason why it's happened. Let's don't talk that it causes a lot of pain in your heart and how amazing he was and is. Let's think another way. If you're going to mourn all your life because he's gone, in that case, it's happened for no reason. But if you transform your pain into power.. Oh my girl, you're going to be successful) We're not responsible for what happens to us, but we're responsible for our reaction. And what we are going to do with it in the future. You can't change what happened to you. Even if it was your fault. But you can learn a lesson from it. And be grateful that such a person made you happy and loved. Now I'm trying to write tests in Cypress and I'm preparing for my interview in English this Friday about Client-Server architecture) Tomorrow I'm going to my orthodontic and I'll know the exact date when I'm going to take my braces off. My life is going on. And.. I hope that these 3 years will make you successful. Plans: Complete Mate Academy courses Find a job in IT as a QA Engineer Become a middle QA Engineer in Automation testing Learn web development (know JS, React, Angular) Finish uni Learn Java Get over this breakup Make your body healthier Learn English to C1 Level And.. It will be hard. These 3 years. Specially because your heart is hurting so much, but you still have to live on and pursuing your dreams:) Love, Ann Yurkevych, the girl with a big heart and open mind.