A letter from May 27, 2023

Dear future me. When we reread this, we'll be a senior, most likely near the ending days of our high school years. How are we ? I hope we remember when we wrote this letter to us. As of right now, we're a freshman and there's only two weeks left of school. As of right now, we are crying over a boy that we met right after our breakup with that person we dated for three years. We thought we had so much chemistry. Voice messages, pictures, endless late night talks,,, we had everything we could ever wish for and everything that we didn't get. As of now, he lives in another state. He's moving to California over the summer for the rest of high school. As of right now, we are so upset and trying our bestest to keep strong and not be dragged down. But it is quite hard. As of right now, he is matching profile pictures with another girl. As of right now, he is being distant and dry. A complete opposite of what he once was. He says it's because he's been studying and catching up on homework. But our mind is struggling, and we are wondering "was I enough ?" As of right now, we are wondering when we will ever be pretty enough to be loved, we are wondering when someone will truly love us. As of right now, we feel as if we are not worth anything and that we are unlovable. As of right now, we are hurting. And we're sure that we will remember this exact moment, this exact feeling, when we are a senior. The pain and the sleepless nights and the crying. Freshman year has been decent, more than decent. Our grades are okay and we have been listening to the saddest songs nonstop. We've gotten more into Alex G, TV Girl, Duster, Salvia Path, and The Smiths. Let's be a little more positive now. Just to take our minds off of him. Speaking of TV Girl, us and our best friend are going to a concert schedules for December 17th of sophomore year. We're ecstatic despite the sadness that we have been feeling. As of right now, we'll be starting a new sport-ish club that involves dragon boat racing. Our first practice is tomorrow and we're also ecstatic about that. A lot of our closest friends are also joining the sport with us and we're happy that we won't be going in alone. As of right now, our biology teacher and our biology class is our favorite because it feels like one big family. As of right now, our mood swings have been explosive. As of right now, we have a lot of days where we feel empty and useless. As of right now, we are at our lowest point, but somehow at our highest. It's confusing and hard and it hurts. We are feeling so much pain. We have good friends, annoying people keep coming in and out, but we have good friends. We've gotten more freedom this year and it feels great. We are worried about the future but we have high hopes. How have we been doing as a senior ? We wonder we have met some new people, loved some new people, hated some new people, or quite possibly some old people. We hope that as the years go by, we get better, feel better, and love ourselves more than we ever had before. We have high hopes. From, me.